Page 4 of Penance

Breathe.

My whole body trembles, my nails digging into the wooden banister as I try to keep myself on my feet. I slowly crack my eyes open, the demon inside me hissing at what she sees.

MaddoxfuckingSharpe.

In the flesh, the devil himself stands before me. Icy white skin, raven black hair and ocean-coloured eyes, his square jaw dusted in light stubble. God, he’s so fucking beautiful.

I hate him.

All the air whooshes from my lungs, my chest deflating. My eyes unnaturally wide, a brick drops into my stomach. My fleeting moment of happiness going up in a thick cloud of toxic smoke, leaving me empty and gasping.

Am I going to be sick?

The world spins, my legs waver, my grip on the banister so hard I could splinter the wood. I can’t see, can’t hear, can’t fucking breathe. My lungs scream at me but all I can do is stare and try to stay upright as the room warps around me. I can’t take my eyes from his, those dark pools of inky turquoise, like a haunting, a ghost, no,theghost from my past. I think I might be dying.

Am I already dead?

Did I die during a threesome?

What a way to fucking go…

“What thefuckareyoudoing here?” he growls, spitting venomous words at me, his tone alone sharp enough to cut.

My heart shatters like fragile glass, tiny dagger-like shards piercing me from the inside out, now I really can’t breathe. I don’t even remember how to. What the fuck is happening?

“Nox!” Kacey hollers from behind me.

His deep voice piercing the air, the sound penetrating my ears, forcing the rest of the room to quickly come back into focus. The heavy bass of the music, laughing and chattering from the partiers fills my head. Kacey hurdles his hulking frame down the stairs, rushing past me, smashing through my grip on the banister, he dives on the ghost from my past. Max’s face lights up as they hug and then Huxley is rushing past me on my other side. Jumping the bottom stairs and diving in on the bro-huddle happening in the opening of the front door.

I can feel myself shaking as I watch the three of them, all smiling, happy to see each other. Three men I love orlovedat one stage or another in some sort of fucking reunion. My hands tremble so much I can’t get a grip on anything, my fingers ache as I try to cling to the banister. My eyes refusing to blink in case I miss something. What is happening? How can this be? Why the fuck is this happening to me?

Then suddenly as though a bucket of ice-cold water is dumped on me, I catch my breath. I inhale lungful after painful lungful of air, gulping it down like a dying goldfish. Swiping a quivering hand over my head, tearing at my roots.

Breathe, breathe, don’t lose your shit.

Do not lose your shit.

Be calm.

Don’t panic.

Control your fucking self you psychotic bitch.

And that does it. I boil over. Frothing and foaming as my insides scream and tear each other apart. My chest heaves and heaves, my breathing more and more erratic as my heart thunders like the feet of a thousand racehorses against the track.

I am going to murder him.

“EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT!” I roar and I feel a hundred pairs of eyes slowly turn in my direction, caution and awareness in their stares making my skin prickle.

I’m shaking so hard I’m definitely gunna throw up or pass out, maybe both.

Huxley turns to look at me, my eyes meet his horrified ones for a split second. Dark eyebrows knitted together, his jaw tense, I look away. Kacey says my name, that dominant, low, possessive growl of his that has my insides dragging me towards him, begging me to obey. An underlying rasp of concern on his tongue.

He knows.

They both know.

My boys know me so well, they know I’m unravelling, they can taste it in the air. The distress rolling off me in thick, cloying waves. I can’t look at them right now, I feel too sick, my bottom lip wobbles and I squeeze my eyes shut as a wave of nausea crashes over me.

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