Page 60 of Penance

“Yes! That’s it, Max. Come on! Get it out, for me, please, please, please.”

I push his body further forward, his back bowing, he retches. I push my fingers in farther, as far as I can and then he’s sick. And I breathe, I hammer my other fist to his back as he groans.

“More, Max, more, come on,” I murmur the chant as he continues heaving.

The sick keeps coming, I crane my neck, stretching myself so I can see over his shoulder. I press my fingers into it, feeling for pills, feeling for something.

“Come on, come on,” I hush to myself, unable to see.

He’s sick again and I feel them.

“Come on, Max, more!” I demand as he becomes slightly more coherent.

He can’t have taken them too long before I got here. I’m used to shit like this since taking care of Mum, but this is Max. The panic is different, I care about the outcome.

He retches, dry heaving now. Eventually, nothing more to expel, he slumps back into me. His back plastered to my front. His weight makes it a struggle to breathe deeply but I’m comforted by it as his breaths fill his lungs and I feel them strong and steady through his back.

“Max?” I question quietly.

His breathing sharp, I press my hand to his chest, just needing to feel it working.

“I don’t wanna die, Lala. I don’t wanna leave you,” he murmurs, sounding exhausted.

I feel the tears then. His splashing against my hand, mine against the top of his head, tucked beneath my chin.

“I’m sorry,” he cries. “I’m so sorry,” huge racking sobs, his entire body shaking between my legs, the vibrations of grief rolling through me, carving into my soul.

“It’s okay, baby,” I tell him. “I got you and I’m never letting you go.”

Chapter13

Max

‘Idon’t think I wanna die anymore, Maxi.’

That line running through my skull, relief and dread in equal measures race through my veins. I can’t even begin to sort through that right now. Everything with this girl is so fucking raw.

“Next stop,” I breathe against her hair.

Coconuts and lime, so familiar, yet not. I breathe her in, my arms her comfort. Her breathing regulates to match mine and I smile against the crown of her head, my chin resting atop. I let her slip into her memories, I keep her safe. I know what she’s thinking about, when she found me, saved me. The only thing that made me throw up those pills, other than her fingers digging into my tonsils, was her softness. Her voice, her panic, her fear. I never want that for her. I was just lost for a little while. She found me. She always finds me. Like I’ll always find her.

People stare at us as they get on and off the carriage, a pair of demons sunken in the corner. Some are already in a drunken stupor, others eyeing me suspiciously. I glare at them all, tempted to flash my gun, maybe even pop a shot off. Instead, I just stare until I unnerve them enough to fuck off and mind their own business. No one will get within three feet of us. I won’t allow it. I’ll rip their fucking throats out if they so much as even try to approach.

“Okay,” she whispers, stronger than before.

I can’t stand to see her cry. It was always my weakness, my downfall, everything about her is my Achilles heel.

“You gotta make me a promise, Princess,” I rasp against her head, her hair tickling my lip.

“What?” she whispers hoarsely.

“We go back to hatin’ each other when we get home.”

She glances up from beneath wet lashes, her grey eyes glinting with emerald, shining from tears. She frowns, her bottom lip pouting, a little crease between her brows. I smirk at her, keeping my lips to myself, knowing my self-control is in full force. I need to focus on keeping us safe. Iknowshe can keep herself safe, but not like this, so I step up willingly. I’ll kill anyone that so much as looks at her wrong.

She blinks up at me, and that innocent sixteen-year-old shines through, calling out to every broken part of me. Tugging on invisible strings I’d long forgotten.

“Deal,” she breathes, a tiny smirk edging the corner of her red-stained lips.

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