Page 83 of The Wisteria Tree Cottage

‘And the right thing by me was lying about who you are?’

He pushed his hand through his hair. ‘I didn’t know then.’

‘When did you figure it out?’ Meadow said.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It does, because I need to know how long you’ve been lying to me.’

He shook his head.

‘How long?’ Meadow said, she could hear the coldness in her words.

‘I guessed when you said you needed to distract your daughter away from the iguana and then met Star shortly after and she told me how cool the iguana was. But I convinced myself I was wrong because I found Iris Starfish online. I even messaged her and when she replied I presumed that was you because, let’s not forget, you lied about that too.’

‘But at some point after that you knew for definite,’ Meadow bypassed her tiny lie.

He swallowed. ‘Yes.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I couldn’t.’

‘What does that even mean?’

‘I wanted to. God I was desperate to.’

A new thought occurred to her. ‘I told you about my feelings for my best friend. You told me to let him sniff me to see if he was attracted to me. You knew then and you were playing with me.’

‘No, it wasn’t like that. I wanted to tell you I was in love with you, I really did. That night you were drunk I tried to tell you then, but you weren’t exactly coherent, and after it was so hard to find the words. You know how hard it was, you never told me you loved me either. Eight years on after we should have said the words back then and we still couldn’t be honest with each other about our feelings. I didn’t know for sure how you felt before the pheromone event, other than that you thought I smelt amazing. I thought this could be a way we could share our feelings for each other without saying a word.’

‘You used it to your advantage.’

‘No, it wasn’t like that.’

‘I’m so embarrassed. I told you some really personal stuff,’ Meadow said.

He had the good grace to look uncomfortable. ‘I know,’ he said, softly. ‘I wanted to be here for you as a friend.’

‘And you treated the whole thing like a game.’

‘No, Meadow, this wasn’t a game to me.’

‘Imogen emailed me this morning to say you’d set up the kissing event and then I find out you paid Jacob so you could be my genetic match too.’

‘What does that matter? We had just shared the best kiss of my entire life, there was no way I could sit politely talking to some other woman for the next two hours, when all I wanted was to be with you. That’s what happened with Heather after the speed dating and I was left with her instead of being able to tell you how I felt. I didn’t want a repeat of that. You said you wanted to leave before the dinner-in-the-dark event so we could be together and I could see you were getting coerced to go in there anyway, so I came in to get you out.’

Meadow shook her head. ‘Was this whole thing a big game? From the beginning? You were so intent on me doing online dating and then we matched at ninety-six percent, you said that never happened. Then we conveniently matched at every event too. Was this just some big ploy to get me into bed?’

As soon as the words were out she wanted to snatch them back, because she knew she had hurt him with them. But she had already gone to bed with one man because of a lie and now she felt like it was happening all over again.

His face was like thunder when he spoke. ‘Jesus Christ, Meadow, if you think that little of me, then what the hell are we even doing here? I should have told you who I was and I’m sorry I didn’t. But what you’ve just accused me of is sickening. I have no control over us matching at ninety-six percent. We matched at the first two events, the speed dating and the group dating, because we love each other, it’s as simple as that. Yes, I made damned sure I only scanned your t-shirt at the pheromone event because after sniffing you I didn’t want anyone else. But you did the same too. And yes, I arranged to kiss you first at the kissing event but I certainly didn’t hear any complaints from you when you were wrapped around me, panting in my ear because you were enjoying the kiss so much, so don’t you dare make this into that I tricked you somehow. I know you were lied to in the past but I am not that man and if you really loved me you would know that. But then I’ve never been good enough for you, have I? Eight years ago you chose my brother over me because I wasn’t good enough—’

‘No, Bear, I didn’t—’

‘Yes you did. I held your hand while you gave birth because I love you, I sat with you for the next few weeks while your daughter was in an incubator because I love you. I took Star into my life because she was your daughter and so I loved her too. I have been in love with you my whole life, but it’s not enough, is it. You’re so scared that you’re unlovable you’ll latch onto any reason to prove you’re right, to prove that what we have isn’t real when you know in your heart that it is. I could never do anything to hurt you but if you truly believe that I have just been playing some sick game with you from the beginning then I think we better call a stop to this now.’

He turned and stormed out. She watched him go. What the hell had she done? Why had he lied about who he was? They’d been talking online for a week, why wouldn’t he tell her the truth? She knew she had no right to accuse Bear of playing a game with her, he wouldn’t do that, but right then she felt so confused.

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