Page 30 of Jumping In

“He’s around, just staying here in Cedar Bend now. He has a job at the Walmart down the street.”

Our food arrives and I watch as MJ grabs another breadstick and arranges it on her plate and then pulls out her phone to take pictures. She’s so cute and I can’t help but smile as I watch her completely in her element. Once she’s done taking her photos and we’ve both dug into our food, I try to move the conversation along.

“What about you? I bet your dad is excited about you going to law school. Which one did you decide on?” I ask and she looks down at her plate like it suddenly became very interesting. A few beats pass and she hasn’t responded. “MJ?” I ask, getting her attention.

She swallows and looks up at me, but I can’t quite read her expression. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Well, which ones did you apply to? I’m sure you got into all of them, so do you just need help with picking the right one?” Any chance I can help her pick something nearby?Whoa, where’d that come from?

“Well, here’s the thing. I haven’t actually applied either.”

“What? You haven’t applied? The school year starts in just a few months. Shouldn’t you have already picked by now?”

“I don’t know. Dad is going to be so mad that I haven’t even applied yet. And trust me, I’ve tried, I just can’t seem to finish an application.” I can hear the disappointment in her voice.

“Why not? This isn’t like you. You’re usually so on top of things you’d already have the school picked out, have school memorabilia ordered, and be champing at the bit to get out of here.” She winces and sits back in her chair, looking all around the restaurant, anywhere but at me.Shit.

I give her a moment to process, hoping she’ll fill me in, but we sit there in silence. Her eyes go glassy, and I can tell she’s deep in her head.

“MJ?” I ask. She startles and looks at me, indecision written all over her face. “Where’d you go just now?”

“Nowhere. Sorry, just thinking.”

“Thinking about law school?” I prod. “Talk to me. I can tell by your face those were some big thoughts. I’m here, you can always talk to me.”

“Not always.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, but I heard it. Ouch. She looks up. “Shit, sorry. That wasn’t fair.”

“It’s okay. How about this? I’m here now,” I offer.

“Yeah, okay.” She accepts but doesn’t say another word until the server comes by with the check and I offer to pay. She puts up a fight, but I win her over and buy her lunch.

Heading back out to the Jeep, I again press my hand to her lower back, open the door for her, help her in, all the little things I know she deserves.

The drive back home is quiet, just the hum of tires over pavement as we fly along the freeway. I take a chance and place my hand on herthigh. Not too high to make it weird, but not on her knee, just solid on her thigh and squeeze. I’m trying to reassure her I’m still here, that I’m still me and we can still be us; maybe a more grown-up version but deep down we’re still Mac and MJ.

She looks over at me like she doesn’t know who I am, but when I don’t move my hand, she settles in and accepts it. It was a bold move, but I’m tired of fighting with myself. Friends touch each other, they hold hands, and stuff, right?

It’s late afternoon by the time we make it back to the shop. She’ll probably have to run off to make it to dinner with her parents, assuming they still do Sunday night dinners like they used to. I back the Jeep into the driveway and hop out, heading to the back to get the part out. Taking it inside, I drop it onto the shop table with a heavy thud. I’ll have to finish that job tonight and it will probably take me most of the night, but I have no regrets about how I spent my time today.

I head back to MJ’s car and pull out the beach towel I placed on the bottom of the trunk. “Sorry, MJ, your towel got a little dirty. I can wash it and give it back, though.” She’s rounding the back of the Jeep and I tilt the towel toward her so she can see the grease stain.

“Nah, it’s fine. I can just wash it at home. No worries.” She goes back to the passenger side and rummages in the front seat. I fold the towel up and set it back on the floor, making sure the grease stain isn’t touching anything. Her footsteps are light in the gravel as she makes her way back to the trunk. “Don’t forget, you saidyou’d annotate this for me?” She says it like a question, not a statement, so I reassure her.

“Yes, of course. Which reminds me.” I take the book from her and then grab my bag from the backseat, placing the new one inside and pulling out two more. “Here, these are for you.” I offer them to her, and she looks at the books and then up at me.

“You—you didn’t have to.”

“I know, I wanted to. I’ve read them and I saw you eyeing them. Maybe you’ll annotate them for me sometime?” Hope tinges my voice.

“Yeah, I . . .” she takes the books from me and tucks them under her arm, “I’ve missed annotating for each other. I’ve missed . . .” she trails off. My heart races, hoping she was about to say she’s missed me. Before I can respond, she’s hitting me with a question I wasn’t quite prepared for. “What happened to us?”

I sigh, kicking the dirt and making a small cloud of dust float up around our feet. I knew this would eventually come up.

“It was that summer I turned sixteen when everything changed between us. I know your dad was sick, but I never understood why you just disappeared. Why you didn’t talk to me and fill me in on what was going on.” The accusation is like a punch to the gut. For a moment, I can’t take a full breath.

“I didn’t mean to, MJ. I just—”

“Mac, what did I do wrong?” Her eyes fill with tears.Fuck.

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