Page 31 of Jumping In

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. It was this stupid town.” I sigh and look down.

“What does that even mean?”

“That summer,” I hesitate. “That summer, I realized you were going to do big things with your life. You had dreams and ambitions, and I was going to be stuck in this town working at my dad’s shop.” She shakes her head in denial, but I know it’s the truth. “You were going somewhere, MJ. And it was clear after my dad got sick that I wouldn’t ever go anywhere besides right here.”

It’s the truth, but it’s not everything. What I don’t say is that I could’ve loved her. I might have fallen for her that summer, maybe even before. But my love would have been suffocating. I would’ve drowned her, bogged her down. And I know her, she would’ve stayed. She would’ve stayed and been happy for a while, but then resented me. Because she put her dreams on hold. For what? Girls like MJ don’t settle, they don’t sit still, and she would’ve hated me.

I give her another half-truth, still not meeting her eyes. “I’m no good for you, MJ. I’m not. But now that you’re back home, I can’t stop thinking about you.” I step toward her, and when she doesn’t move back, I step closer. “I’m trying to be your friend again.” Reaching up, I wipe the tears tracking down her cheeks and blow out a breath. “At least until you leave again.” Rubbing her cheeks softly, catching every tear I’m causing to fall, my heart breaks in half. I don’t want to hurt her. I know I need to tell her the truth, but she doesn’t deserve the hurt, either.

“Please don’t cry, baby.” The nickname falls from my lips so easily; her eyes connect with mine, red, puffy, and full of surprise.

“I’ve missed you,” she finally says, sniffling.

“I’ve missed you too.” I take another chance and pull her into me. Letting her cry into my chest. “So fucking much,” I whisper. She wraps her arms around me, wedging the books between our chests. We stand like that for what feels like a lifetime until she finally takes a deep breath and steps back, clutching the books to her now.

Reaching up, I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and give her a soft smile. She gives me a watery smile back and then steps back fully, turning toward her Jeep. “I gotta get home for dinner.”

“Yeah, I have some work to do. Thank you for today.”

She nods. I watch her leave until she’s out of sight before I head back to the shop.

I work late into the night before realizing I haven’t eaten anything since lunch with MJ. Wiping my hands on a shop rag, I glance out the open garage door. The light across the street is still on. Tossing the rag onto my work table, I jog over to Spoon, where I can make out a figure sweeping the floors inside.

Despite theClosedsign and the locked door, I tap on the glass door and wave when Beck looks up.

“Hey, Beck, sorry to bother,” I say when she opens the door and lets me slip inside.

“No bother, you know that. Let me guess, working late and you need a little snack?” she asks, shaking her head and laughing.

“Yeah, I lost track of time.”

Beck heads toward the back of the café, disappearing into the kitchen but still talking to me, so I follow. “You do that way too much, you know? But I just made a few sandwiches, so come on—take a seat. I suppose I can share.”

“You’re the best,” I say, sliding into a seat at the table closest to the counter. A moment later, she returns with two sandwiches and two glasses of water.

Sitting down across from me, I reach to take the sandwich, but she pulls it away from me. “Ah, only on one condition will I share.”

Of course. I groan. “I thought our friendship was unconditional?” I ask. She barks out a laugh at the joke.

“You know damn well that only applies when it doesn’t involve our favorite girl.” She slides a sandwich to me. “Spill.”

I sigh, unwrapping my sandwich, then telling her all about my day with MJ, leaving nothing out. Beck and I have been friends for a while now. She’s kind of like an older sister to me and knows how I’ve felt about MJ. I’m completely honest with her about how the day went but also about my feelings. Maybe it’s about time I’m honest with myself and own whatever is happening between MJ and me.

“Beck, it was so easy being with her today. It was like old times but also not.” She nods in understanding.

“How is it not likeold times?”

I tell her about how I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. How I wanted to touch her. How I almost kissed her. Her eyes go wide at that one.

“Mac,” Beck sighs. “I’ve said this before, but maybe it’s finally time you stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.” Opening my mouth to tell her I don’t care, she stops me, putting her hand up. “I know you do, even though you don’t want to. But maybe it’s time to put yourself first for once. Maybe it’s time to put your wants, your needs, your happiness, your heart first.”

I think about that for a moment. Maybe she’s right, but MJ is likely leaving again. If not for law school then for something else. Even if it’s just for another few years, she’s still only here for a short time. Would it be worth it to put my heart first? To pursue more with the girl of my dreams, even if only for a few months? I look up and the clock on the wall catches my eye

“Shit, Beck. It’s getting late. I’m sorry for keeping you.” I gather my trash and get up from the table.

“All good. You know I’m always here for you.” She follows me to the door, and I toss my trash into the bin before turning around to face her.

“Really, Beck, thank you.”

---