Page 80 of Bloom

My dismissal is desperate, cowardly, fuelled by an all-consuming need to not be here, to be anywhere but here. “I’m exhausted.”

He hesitates. For a long, long moment, he hesitates. I almost think he's going to put his foot down. Insist on staying. I almost hope he will.

Obviously, he doesn't.

I’m not sure when Lux managed to score herself a key to Bloom, but apparently, she did. An hour after I call asking if she’s free, she strolls into my apartment without so much as a knock, two locked doors no match for her.

Before I can question it, a mewling child is plopped on top of me. “You sounded like you needed a baby,” she says in way of explanation, bypassing where I lay in bed and heading straight for the freezer to dig out a tub of ice-cream I don’t even remember buying.

She’s right; there’s something about Alex’s little hands grasping the neckline of my pajama shirt and his sweet babbling noises that inexplicably soothe the ache in my chest.

Showering and swapping Hunter’s clothes for my own helped with that too. Although, not as much as I hoped it would. It probably was fairly futile to wish for hot water and new pajamas to entirely erase Hunter's lingering presence—in my bed, on my skin, on my lips. But at least I can breathe now without being suffocated by that earthy, masculine scent.

One hand keeping Herc at bay—Hunter was in such a rush to get away from me, he forgot to take the pup back with him—I use the other to settle Alex on my chest, laying on his tummy with my braided hair clutched in his fist. The tip is bound to be covered in baby slobber within minutes, but I’ve got bigger things to worry about.

Like how long Lux’s interrogation will take to begin. Which is, I quickly learn, as long as it takes to scoop a single spoon of Phish Food. “You wanna tell me what happened?” she phrases her demand as a question before shoveling marshmallowy, chocolatey goodness into her mouth.

The perpetual lump in my throat grows. Sucking in a steadying breath, I trace the length of Alex’s back, gazing into the pretty, sleepy eyes that are the matching pair to his mother’s as I wade through my tangled thoughts.

“He kissed me,” I murmur. Whisper, really. So low, it’s not entirely unreasonable to hope Lux doesn’t hear me.

She takes so long to respond, I almost think she doesn’t. “And?”

“And he shouldn’t have.” My cheeks heat. “His words, not mine.”

A whooshing breath escapes my friend. “Oh, Line.”

“It's okay,” I say for the... third time today? Fourth? The hundredth time in the past two days?

“It’s not.” Lux joins me on the bed, legs crossed as she assess me with concern. “You’re upset.”

Does it mean anything that I wish I wasn’t? “It’s not a big deal.”

“It's your first kiss since…” She slices an awkward hand through the air. “You know. Right?”

My nose scrunches.

“Then it's a big deal.” Lux grips my calf and squeezes. “Tell me everything.”

I do. Extremely slowly because I have to take breaks between each painstaking detail so as not to drown under the weight of my mortification. I start at the beginning, going all the way back to yesterday afternoon—God, was it only yesterday afternoon?—with Rochelle and Carly and that first incident with Hunter, but leaving out the altercation with my dad.

Guilt swirls in my stomach, but I can’t talk about it. Not now. Not without falling apart at the seams completely. I can barely even think about it. Can barely even fathom that it really happened. It almost feels like a distant memory or a dream, likemy father didn't actually attempt to drag me down the stairs by my hair.

Except he did.

And he would've succeeded, if not for a lucky, well-aimed jab of my foot.

“Hey.” Snapping fingers drag me out of my quickly spiraling thoughts. “You okay? Lost you for a second there.”

“Yeah.” I shake my head to clear the nasty fog. “Sorry.”

In a rare display of restraint, Lux doesn't push, steering conversation back to where I left off. “So, he just kissed you and ran out of here?”

“Not exactly.” But that might’ve been easier. “He said he can't give me anything other than friendship.”

“That’s it?” Lux kisses her teeth when I nod. “Cryptic.”

“Very.”

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