Page 49 of Chaos

You were saying?the look my sister shoots me says.

“He’s just kidding.” Once we reach the right stall, I click my tongue at the occupant, smiling tightly. “Right, buddy?”

Tossing his mane, Ruin eyes me warily. I cluck again and he huffs, but he sidles a little closer. Close enough to snuffle the palm I extend towards him, a haughty tilt to that majestic head as he blows out an indignant noise when he doesn’t find anything.

Laughing quietly, I reach into my back pocket for the treat he’s looking for. “See?” I glance at Lux, finding her watching us with a weird look on her face. “He’s a big softie, really.”

A huffed, amused exhale leaves her as a slow smile curls her lips. “Chaos and Ruin. How about that?”

By the time the other hands mosey into the barn, I’m already hoisting myself onto the back of a gray Quarter Horse and praying my mount doesn’t look as unpracticed as it feels. Although, I doubt my lack of grace is what brings their jovial conversation to an abrupt halt—I guess my simple presence does that all on its own.

And as much as that might make me want to throw myself beneath a stampede trampling hooves, it doesn’t quite hit as harsh as I imagine it would if I were standing on my own two feet. If I wasn’t sitting firmly in my comfort zone.

It’s like a switch flicks in my brain as I grasp the reins, my spine straightening, my hips rolling in unison with the unnamed gelding who I gently urge forward. Something inside of me sighs contentedly before settling, not even the watchful, obsidian eyes burning a hole in the side of my face capable of disturbing me.

I don’t say anything as I trot outside, assuming Yasmin already knows the plan—and rightly so, considering only a few minutes later, she appears, riding the newest of one of the many Apaloosas that call this place home.

“Ready?” she asks, flashing one of those pretty, wide smiles when I nod. “Where’re we going?”

Immediately, my favorite route comes to mind. When I suggest we take the long way to the creek that runs along the edge of Serenity, Yasmin nods excitedly,knowingly, and thatmakes me feel a little… weird. Jealous. No, I thinkterritorialis the better word. Because I imagine her going there, to what I remember considering the safest, most peaceful place in the world, with her friends, with my family. And I’m a little shit, I know I am, but I don’t like it.

For the longest time, it was our place. Just ours, the five of us. A hiding spot and a break from life and some serenity within Serenity. Somewhere I don’t even think our grandparents knew existed.

And then, Jackson started bringing his friends from college there. And Luna became a permanent fixture. So did Hunter and his now-girlfriend, who back then was just my brother’s ex, and I guess it all spiraled after that. It became a communal gathering place.

Which is fine. Or it should be fine. It’s just a creek.

It doesn't really matter.

And yet when Yasmin, a veritable stranger, some employee who’s only lived here for less than a year, leads the way there, it doesn’t feel all that fine to me.

But at least it’s Yasmin,I find myself thinking. Not Theo, who I’m pretty sure hates me, or Finn, who I know at least doesn’t like me, or Adam, who doesn’t seem to feel any particular way about me at all. It would be awkward with them, but Yasmin? She’s the antithesis of awkward. She’s allergic to it. She scares it. Fuck, she scares me a little, but I think… I think that what I said to Finn about not being The Grinch, about liking some people, if that was the truth and not just a defense, which I’m not really sure of either way, then I would like Yasmin.

I must like her a little because I feel pretty fucking bad for her right now. Stuck with me in the middle of nowhere, all but yapping to herself because I don’t know what to say. How to respond to her. How to talk to her at all. I’m scared if I open my mouth, something mean will come out on instinct.

“Sorry you got stuck with me,” is what I eventually manage to piece together, cutting her off mid-rant about… fuck. I don’t know. I wasn’t listening. “I know you would’ve preferred to be with Theo or someone else.”

Yasmin eyes me sideways, a quiet laugh leaving parted lips. “Oh, you know that, do you?”

“I mean… I assume, yeah.”

She seems to think on that for a moment before humming thoughtfully. “You’re the one stuck with me,” she counters, not bitter or resentful like those words could be, like they would sound coming out of my mouth. Just… plain. Matter-of-fact. The same way she says, “You’re the one who doesn’t like me.”

Discomfort making my skin itch, I frown at the reins clutched between my hands. “I don’tnotlike you.”

Yasmin arches a thick brow. “No?”

“I’m just not…”

Her upper lip curls. “A girl’s girl?”

“Ananyonegirl,” I correct, flushing a little, fucking embarassed to basically admit that I have no friends and I kind of never have. Not any good ones, at least. “It’s not personal, that’s all I mean.”

Another thoughtful noise drifts through the air before a sigh sounds. “Listen, I’m not gonna force you to be friends with me, but I would like to be. I’ve been dying to have another girl around. I love the guys, don’t get me wrong, but at the end of the day, a man is a man, y’know?”

That makes me laugh. “Oh, I know.”

Yasmin slants me a look. “You got one?”

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