Page 56 of Chaos

“It was an accident.”

“It’s always an accident with you,” she snaps at me even though I’m not the one who spoke; the man behind me did. “What’s it gonna take for you to think before you do something, huh? Alex could’ve—”

“I know,” I croak, the words scratching my throat. “I didn’t mean to. I was just—”

“Trying to get your way? Trying to get attention?Both?” My sister makes an ugly, ugly noise. “What’s fucking new, Charlotte?”

“Hey.”

I flinch at the harsh bark. And again when the same mouth it came from brushes my ear, the same voice sounding a hell of a lot softer as it murmurs, “Are you okay?”

No. Not even a little. “I’m fine.”

Hands touch my shoulders again, skimming across the top of my back and leaving prickling fire in their wake despite the layers separating us, lingering just above the spot where Ruin’s hoof landed. “Let me see.”

I shakily repeat, “I’m fine.”

Finn kisses his teeth. “You’re hurt.”

Who fucking cares? I did it to myself, didn’t I? It was my fault. And it’s better me than Alex, so I won’t complain.

No one else will either.

No one follows me when I walk—run—away. I wait until I’m in the barn, until the office door closes behind me, before letting my shoulders drop from where they’re bunched up, almost touching my earlobes.

Sniffing every breath, I dig the heels of my hands into my watery eyes. I won’t cry. I don’t get to cry. I made a decision, and now I deal with it. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean for it to happen. It did, and now they’re definitely going to get rid of Ruin and Alex is probably traumatized and my sister hates me again, everyone is going to hate me again, when things were just starting to be fine.

With the dizzying sound of my blood rushing in my ears, I don’t hear the door re-opening. I don’t realize I’m not alone until someone gently grabs my arm and I flinch, spinning around, spitting before I even recognize who it is, “Don’t touch me.”

Finn holds his hands up in surrender. “Okay.”

Gaze on the ground, I sniff. “Go away.”

He does no such thing. He steps forward, stooping to try to get in my line of sight, but I refuse to let him.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

I roll my bottom lip between my teeth to stop it from wobbling.

“Alex is okay.”

I bite down so hard, the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.

“He’s alright, Lottie.”

Slowly, I nod. I ask more than I repeat, “He’s alright?”

“He is.” Finn shuffles forward an inch. “Are you?”

“Uh-huh.”

Another step has me taking one back, has me shaking my head.

“I’m not gonna touch you,” he promises in the same slow tone I was using with Ruin only minutes ago. “I just want you to lift your head for me. Can you do that?”

I hesitate before giving in, feeling the tender muscles of my upper back stretch uncomfortably.

“Move it side to side.” He demonstrates what he means and when I copy without incident—without wincing too hard—he nods, satisfied. “I wanna check your back, okay?”

---