Page 6 of Chaos

But I can hardly dispute it, can I? I probably do look like shit. I sure as fuck feel like it.

Sighing, I prop myself up on my elbows and throw a longing glance at the closed door. “Can you get a nurse in here? I want some of the good shit before you get your lecture on.”

Eyes a couple of shades darker than mine blink slowly. “What could I possibly have to lecture you about, Charlotte?”

Right. So that’s how we’re doing things; diving right in to the bitter sarcasm and government names. “Fuck off,Alexandra.’

Lux’s lips thin, a muted laugh fighting its way from between them as she tilts her face towards the ceiling. “Jackson was right. I shouldn’t have come.”

A throb behind my ribcage matches the one in my ankle. “Then why did you?”

Head rolling forward again, Lux cocks it to one side. “I got a call in the middle of the night saying my little sister was in a car accident. Of course, I came.”

Of course, she says. As if she didn’t just admit that, “Jackson wouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, well, he wasn’t too pleased about the wholefelonypart of the story.”

The subtle reprimand almost makes me wince. I catch myself before I can, steel myself against the inherent shame I feel at disappointing my siblings, remind myself that it’s inevitable because I have never, ever been able to please them. Still, though, I feel the need to quietly clarify, “It wasn’t my idea.”

Lux scoffs, plastic creaking as she slumps in her seat. “It never is.”

“I was just meeting some friends,” I insist even though I know it’s futile, it’s alwaysbeenfutile to try to convince people that I’m not the root of all evil. “I didn’t know they’d broken in.”

“It’syourcar embedded in someone’s wall, Charlotte.”

“I wasn’t driving.”

“Well.” Lux sighs as she stands. “At least I know that’s the truth.”

I watch her warily as she moves to the end of my bed. As she gets closer, it strikes me that she looks… old. Not, like, wrinkly and grey, but older than the twenty-five she is. She looks weary, like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

She still looks like Lux, though. No,God, she looks like… “You look like Mom.”

It’s her turn to wince. I meant it as a compliment—what our mother lacked in maternal instincts, she made up for in beauty—but I guess I should’ve known it wouldn’t be taken as one. I should’ve known that even though Mom is gone, even though she’sbeengone for years now, she’s still a touchy subject. It still pains Lux to share any resemblance to the woman who birthed us—ironic, considering she’s always shared the most.

Expression harsh, she crosses her arms over her chest, squaring her shoulders. “I don’t care whose idea it was. I care that you did it. I care that there’s a police officer stationed outside your room right now. I care that you’re hurt.”

I scoff without really meaning to.

Lux arches a brow. “You think I don’t?”

I’m not sure. Maybe. I think that she cares in the same way you care about a nuisance endlessly bothering you. I think she used to care until I made it too hard. I think Jackson was probably right and she shouldn’t have come because I’m not her responsibility anymore. I haven’t been for a while. “You kicked me out.”

“Out of thehouse, Lottie. Not out of town. Not out of my life. No one told you to drop off the face of the Earth.”

No. I just read between the lines. Made the executive decision to leave before someone inevitably made me. Seriously, what the fuck else was I going to do? Hang around Haven Ridge, pining for their forgiveness? Yeah fucking right. “You could've found me.”

“I have better things to spend my money on than a PI for someone who clearly didn’t wanna be found.”

I snap, “Gone bankrupt in the past two years?”

“You don’t get to do that,” she snaps right back. “You don’t get to walk away and then be pissed no one followed you.”

“Youdon’t get to be pissed I left when you’re the one who told me to go.”

“What else was I supposed to do, Lottie? Dropping out, getting arrested, doing drugs… You were off the rails. I thought getting off the ranch, getting away from us and having your own space, would be good for you, but clearly, I was wrong. I…” Lux pauses. Exhales with a huff. Stares out the window and continues, quieter now, a little less steady. “I didn’t look for you because at first, I thought you were gonna come back. I really thought I was gonna wake up one morning and you would be there, sitting at the kitchen table, acting like nothing had happened.”

“And then what?” I sneer because all I hear isI didn’t look for you. The confirmation of what I already suspected, of the very reason I never broke and went home even when I really, really wanted to. All I can think about is the last time a Jackson ran away and no one went after them, never to be seen again until they found their way into a coffin. “Were you hoping I’d end up like Mom?”

---