Page 65 of Chaos

When he closes it behind him, I stare at the slab of wood for longer than I care to admit before clambering upstairs. And as I push through the trapdoor, I wonder why no one warned me my room was already occupied.

Lux sits on the edge of my bed. Staring out the window, hands clasped in her lap, face… I don’t know. I can’t tell. I can’t read that expression. Or maybe I just don’t want to.

“Hey,” she says without looking at me, her knuckles turning white as her interlocked fingers clench.

My boots drop to the ground with a thud. “Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

In the physical sense of the word? “I’ll live.”

Her shoulders drop, a pent-up breath leaving her that catches when she turns and finds me dripping in the doorway. “Why’re you wet?”

“I went for a swim.”

A muscle in her jaw ticks. “You went for a swim.”

“With Finn,” I add because something in me says that’ll make it better, that I could be doing quite literally anything, anywhere, and it would be okay as long as my sister’s favorite employee was by my side. Crossing the room to stand in front of my dresser, I start rifling through the drawers in search of a change of clothes. “If you’re gonna yell at me some more, can I at least shower first?”

Letting loose another rib-rattling exhale, Lux tilts her head towards the ceiling, shaking it once. “I’ve been sitting here for hours, worried out of my mind, and you were swimming.”

“I had lunch too.”

Something that’s a laugh, a groan, and a sigh in equal measures bursts out of her. “One of you could’ve picked up the phone and let me know where you were.”

Honestly, I assumed Finn did. I had no idea he was screening her calls too. “Didn’t think you’d care.”

“Of course—” Lux cuts herself off with a hiss. “Fucking hell, Lottie.”

“What?” I frown at her reflection in the mirror hanging above my dresser, but as I twist to face her, I catch sight of the mottled purple skin that seems to be getting darker and uglier by the minute. “Oh. It’s just a bruise.”

Lux gets to her feet, sidling closer for a better view. “That looks really bad.”

“Thanks,” I drawl sarcastically.

A tired sigh brushes the back of my head before a chin lands on my shoulder. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

I say nothing as I rummage mindlessly through my drawers, passing over the pajamas I’m looking for again and again, but I don’t want to find them yet. I need something to do. Some kind of excuse not to look at her.

“I was angry and scared and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

I’m a hypocrite for not thinking that apology is good enough, just like Lux is a hypocrite for uttering it. How many times have I blamed my own outbursts on anger? How many times have I apologized just like that? How many times have we both done that over the years, a vicious circle, a clash of two people who are too similar for their own good?

Reflected in the mirror, I see the exact same thought flash through her mind. I feel her sigh as much as I hear it, her head tilting to one side so our temples touch. “I don't like it being this way between us.”

I match her frown. “You think I do?”

“Honestly? Yeah, sometimes.”

My gaze drops again, fingers curling around the soft material of a pair of pajama shorts. “Well, I don’t.”

“Okay.” Slowly, tentatively, Lux wraps her arms loosely around my middle. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

Just as slow, just as tentative, I lean against the woman who’s always felt like a lot more than just a sister. “I’m sorry too.”

“I know you are.” She butts her head gently against mine. “I made you a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow morning.”

“I don’t—”

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