Page 154 of Tattooed Love

I was lost without her.

How was I? I was a mess. A failing, epic mess.

“Jax, are you ok?” Her voice was still steady; no emotion.

“No.” I blurted out. I was nowhere near ok. I couldn’t be described as ok. I was fucking depressed. The only woman I wanted, the only woman that would make me feel better was in fucking England.

“Talk to me, what’s wrong?” Amber said, as if putting what I did aside and still having an interest in why my life was going to shit. “Are you having problems with the club?”

For once in my life, I didn’t give a fuck about the club. Maybe that’s what was wrong with me. When Amber had left, I realized the club didn’t even come close to her. I had said I couldn’t have her cost me the club but, in the end, she had.

“I don’t give a fuck about the club.” I blew, and sat down.

“Come on Jax, we both know that isn’t true.” Her voice was kind, soft, like velvet; so welcoming. “You love the club.”

Was it possible that Troy was right? Amber had got her life together. Right now she was proving that to me. She had moved on. She had the ability to have a conversation with me, when I flat out broke her heart and then said every hurtful thing possible, but she was putting that to the side.

The old Amber wouldn’t be speaking to me right now.

“I don’t anymore,” I said, and that was putting what I was feeling mildly.

I had let my pride get in the way of us. I had let the club get in the way us. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was my purpose, and now I was lost without her.

“What has you saying that?” Her voice was gentle. Like she wanted to comfort me.

“You.”

“Jax, you ended us,” she said bluntly.

“I was wrong, Amber. I was so fucking wrong. Please just come back home. Please! I’ll do anything. Just come back.”

She went silent.

I took a shaky breath in. “I should have trusted you. I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am. If I’d listened to you and not Mai, you wouldn’t have left.”

I heard her sigh. “Come on Jax, you are better than this.”

“What do you mean?” It was all the truth. I wasn’t better than anything and I wasn’t above begging for her to come back. “Please come back.”

God, I needed her back. I needed to see her. I needed to touch her. I needed to see that smile of hers.

“The Jax I knew wouldn’t be letting an old relationship get in the way of his club. The Jax I knew would be over this and onto something else. You should be planning your next move, increasing members, banding out your empire,” she blew out; I was hooked on every word she said, loving the sound of her voice. “The Jax I knew wouldn’t be calling me.”

“The Jax you knew was a dickhead,” I said bluntly. It was the truth.

She laughed. “Yeah he was, but he was always a good leader.”

I smiled, hearing her laugh. I had made her laugh. I never thought that was going to happen again. Hearing her laugh eased all my nerves. Made my permanent frown disappear.

“Come home Amber, please?” I begged. “I need to see you.” Need didn’t even come close to how I felt. I couldn’t function without her. I couldn’t keep going without her. “Please, Amber.”

She sighed again. “Jax, you don’t need me. Do I need to remind you, you broke up with me?”

“I was a dick!” I admitted.

“No Jax, you said facts. You love the club. You can’t have anyone get in the way of the club. And now you don’t have anyone in the way. The only one stopping you, is you.”

She was speaking the truth, but what she was leaving out was that I did have one person stopping me. Her. She was missing. I knew now that she would never cost me the club. She was just going to support me, as she’d said. She only wanted to make my life better and somehow, I’d screwed that up.

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