Page 160 of Tattooed Love

She rolled her eyes. “You know I’m safe now. You know I’m looking after myself. Now you need to stop moping around, pick yourself up and start breathing and living that club you love.”

“Fuck the club.”

“Jax! If your dad heard that, he would break out of prison to kill you!”

“I don’t care anymore. Don’t you get that? I care about you!”

She looked at me in disbelief. “I was always the one telling you we were perfect for each other and you were always the one pushing me away.” Her voice was steady; serious. “Now I’m telling you Jax, you were right. We aren’t perfect for each other, and every reason you pushed me away, well, you were right.”

“I was a dick.”

“No, you were thinking with your head and not your heart.” I watched her face drop. “Something I was never capable of doing when it came to you.” She straightened her shoulders up, sitting up. “But that’s different now.”

She was saying she no longer thought of me with her heart, but I knew her. If she loved me, even a tiny bit, I had a chance.

“Expect to be on a flight back within days.”

She tilted her head. “You really think Tae will locate me back home? All because you make a phone call?”

“Not just a phone call, a business deal, and the TNS doesn’t turn down business sweetheart.” I had been ignoring my responsibilities at the club. I hadn’t arranged new guns deals. I knew we had a huge shipment coming in next week, and we still didn’t have a buyer.

I may have been taking a back seat in the club, but I still listened to Troy’s concerns. His main worry at the moment was being left with all these guns.

But I’d just got us a buyer.

TNS will jump at this chance to re-stock their guns. They were secretive; didn’t deal directly with anyone, but I was going to make sure they dealt with us. Again, they didn’t trust me; but, if Amber was in charge, she would be making the decision, who was to be trusted and who not.

She yawned and I saw how tired she looked.

“I’ll let you sleep,” I said.

“I should be saying that to you. You look exhausted.” She’d pointed out the obvious.

How could I tell her I couldn’t sleep until she was back? I couldn’t sleep worrying about her. Worrying if she was ok. Worrying that she was moving on. Feeling physically sick, thinking of her making a life without me.

“I’ll be seeing you soon.” My finger hovered over the hang up button. Still not bringing myself to be able to end the call. “I love you Amber.” I found myself needing to say it again. Reminding her I did love her.

“Doesn’t change a thing Jax. Even if you somehow pull it off and get me back home, I won’t ever be with you, because I can never trust you again.”

“But you still love me right?” I asked. She said she loved me and always would, but the way she had said it was like how one speaks about the dead. Like the love would always be there but it was dead.

“I’m not capable of love anymore Jax. You didn’t just break my heart, you killed it and now, well I’m, as Tae says, a ruthless yet effective leader.” She shrugged. “He said in order for one to succeed, sometimes you can’t have a heart. You taught me that too.”

Was she saying I was heartless? “I fucked up and I’ll prove to you, somehow Amber that I do have a heart and you aren’t a weakness. I’ll fix your heart that I broke.”

“That isn’t possible.”

“I did the damage. I can fix it.”

She smiled dimly. “I wish it was that simple.” She looked into the camera. “I need to go, Tae is expecting me in a few hours now.”

“I’ll see you when I’m holding you.”

She rolled her eyes. “You aren’t going to give up are you?”

“No.” And this time a full smile spread across my lips. “I can’t wait to see you and I won’t believe you are back until I wrap my arms around you.”

She nodded her head. “Night Jax.” Looks like she was going to be the one to end the call. She paused, “Try and get some sleep, would you?”

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