Page 173 of Tattooed Love

“Mai lied,” I said firmly.

“I know she did! I told you that! You didn’t believe me!” Frustrated, she threw her beer bottle at my head. “I TOLD YOU TO TRUST ME!”

I dodged the bottle and it smashed into the window. Now, this side of Amber I knew well.

“AND I SAID I WAS SORRY I DIDN’T!” I yelled back at her. Ok. Don’t yell at her. I took a deep breath in. “I was too late Amber, but I’m here now and I am begging you. Just give me a chance.”

“No.”

“Amber.”

“NO!”

I stood in front of her, taking her clenched fists in my hands. “I love you.”

Tears dropped from her eyes. “Stop saying that.”

“No.”

“Just stop it.” She unclenched her fists. “Just please let me go. I can’t go through this again. I can’t handle your mood changes. I can’t handle you wanting me one minute and hating me the next.” She wiped a tear away. “I’m not strong enough.”

“When it comes to you, everything else comes second.” I pulled her closer to my chest. “I mean it Amber, everything else doesn’t matter.”

“What about the club that you love so much?” She scoffed, sounding hurt. “How many times have you pushed me away because of it! You can’t just expect me to believe you.”

“Have I ever lied to you?” I said firmly. She was glaring into my chest. I cupped her face, forcing her look me in the eye. “Everything, and I mean everything, is second to you. I lost you once and it’s never going to happen again.”

Her eyes showed debate. “You don’t do weaknesses. I’m a weakness.”

“No Amber, the only thing you give me is strength.” It was what I had been missing since she’d left; the strength to keep going. “I didn’t know how important you were in my life Amber, but you have to believe me when I say, you are my purpose.”

I was expecting for her to push me away, push my hands off her face, but she didn’t; instead her fingers ran down my jaw.

“You’ll find a new purpose,” she mumbled. “Women go to you easy, Jax.”

“I don’t want women. I want you!”

“You broke my heart.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “And I don’t even have one back together to give you.” A depressed smile appeared on her face. “Even if I wanted to Jax, there is nothing left. I can’t give you something I don’t have anymore.”

“You have a heart.” If there was one thing I was certain about, it was that. The way she loved her brothers. In order to love someone as much as she loved them, she had to have a heart.

She tilted her head; the hollowness that was in her eyes that night we were on the phone was back in her eyes.

“If I had one, I would give it to you again,” she said, ever so softly. “Because I never learn from my mistakes.”

She was shutting down. I could see it. She was pulling back from me. I wanted her screaming at me again, at least then she felt something towards me. Panicked, I lowered my forehead to hers.

“Let me prove to you that you have one.” I was desperate. I knew she had one. I hadn’t completely destroyed her heart.

“I don’t want to feel what I felt for you again. That all-consuming need to be with you. I don’t want that. Can’t have that because you will leave me.” And she pushed my hands off her and walked away from me. “And then I’ll be back here. Hollow again. So what’s the point, Jax?” She sighed, turning to look at me.

She still loved me. It was on her face right now.

“I won’t ever hurt you again like that Amber.”

“Don’t promise me that.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I can fake a smile. I can fake a conversation with my brothers. I can fake love. My acting skills have got better, but I can’t fake what we had.”

“Then don’t. Just risk it again Amber.” I walked to her, feeling all I did was follow her around this room as she attempted to get away from me. “Take a chance on me.”

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