Page 194 of Tattooed Love

“So what are you going to tell him?”

“He is offering me a life with no emotion.”

I scoffed. “You’re joking, right? As soon as you agree to that partnership, you will end up fucking him!”

“I didn’t say no sex. I said no emotion,” she said, clearer. “No worrying if he is going to break my heart in the morning. No worrying if he will change his mind. No emotion Jax. He knows me.”

“I know you! He knows the distant, cold, side of you!” I waved my hand at her; it was what she was doing right now - being cold and distant. Like she didn’t feel a fucking thing.

She met my worried eyes. “He knows what is left of me.”

What do I do? Do I argue with her? Point out all the reasons I am the better man? Why I am right for her. Fuck. I ran my hands through my hair. How many times had she been the one to tell me we were perfect together? I wished I hadn’t screwed up my one shot with her.

I looked back at her. I didn’t need to even hear it. I could see she had made up her mind. She had come to a decision. Her ‘talk’ with me, was to tell me she was leaving me for someone else.

I thought I was going to be sick.

“Jax?” Her voice was softer, closer. Fuck, when did she get up? She was standing in front of me.

I didn’t need to hear it. I knew I had had one shot with her, I had got one chance, and I’d fucked it up. All day I thought I had got her back, and I couldn’t believe my luck but it turned out my luck was the same as it had always been – crap!

“You’ve already made your mind up.” I saw the look on her face. Saw the determination. She wasn’t making a decision; she had made it and I knew it wasn’t me. I was only offering her my heart, he was offering her the world, with no strings. No chances of being hurt.

After what I had done to her, she never wanted to put herself on the line like that again. She would take the no-emotion option but the really sad part was, there would be emotion. She just didn’t realize that yet. Slowly, he would get through her walls. Slowly, she would trust him, and, before she knew it, she would be marrying him, for real.

“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?” I panicked. God, if there was a magic word to say right now to change her mind, I would say it, but I watched her shake her head from side to side.

“No-one can talk me out of it.”

There went all my chances. No way of talking her out of it. Well, I was fucked. I’d struggled to live without her temporarily, how the hell was I going to manage the rest of my life?

“I love you Amber.”

Her face softened. “I know.”

Well, there was nothing more I could say or do. Nothing was going to change her mind. She’d said that herself. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until her fingers brushed a tear from my cheek. Fucking crying. God, I was weak.

“Jax.” She took a step closer to me and her being closer to me was exactly what I didn’t need. She opened her mouth, but I cut her off.

“I don’t need to hear it.” I didn’t need to hear how sorry she was. How she was doing the right thing. For both of us. I didn’t need to hear that I broke her heart. Or what other twisted reason she was using for breaking it off with me completely. I didn’t need to hear it!

Her fingers brushed my cheek again, wiping more tears away. God, why couldn’t I stop crying? “I love you Jax.”

“Yeah, I get it, but you want what he is offering.” I got it. My one shot with her was over. I’d lost her. Losing her, well I wasn’t sure how I was going to live with that.

She shook her head. “I’ve already said no to Tae.” She wiped more tears away.

I frowned immediately. “But you said you’d made up your mind.”

She smiled “Yeah, to be with you.” She said it like it should have been obvious.

“To be with me?” I didn’t believe it. She said she’d made up her mind. I watched her nod her head.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“He is offering you a hell of a lot more.” Was she even thinking clearly? Had she even had a solid night’s sleep to be in the state of mind to be making this decision?

She arched her eyebrows at me, standing confidently in front of me. “You trying to change my mind?”

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