Page 42 of Forbidden

My hand went to his cheek. I leaned in closer to him. “Because he’s not you.” My words were soft but I knew he heard them.

His hands stilled on my thighs. And his hardened expression dropped. He was shocked. And it made me smile—a real smile. Brad always saw everything coming, so he wasn’t usually shocked by anything because he was always expecting it. But clearly he wasn’t expecting me to say that.

“So, can we drop the subject of Tatz?” I asked, keeping my hand on his cheek. He knew I wasn’t lying. I was easy to read when I wanted to be. He didn’t move or say a word and I sighed. “Brad? Can we drop the subject?”

“Because he’s not me…” He repeated my words with a shocked expression on his face. Was he saying that to himself or to me? Because I knew what I’d said.

My fingers ran across his unshaven jaw. I waited for him to calm down because it looked like the shock had disappeared and he had gone into a panic mode. I hoped he wasn’t thinking I was about to become clingy because I’d said that. I sighed, watching his expression. He would be thinking the worse.

“Maybe you should go,” I said, my fingers freezing on his skin. “You look like you want to be anywhere but here.” I shouldn’t have told him the truth. “Just go, Brad.” I was letting him off the hook. “Seriously. I’m fine, you know that now. You don’t have to stay.”

I wasn’t fine though. I stopped being fine when I found out I had cancer. I stopped being okay. I stopped being happy. I stopped everything. Everything I showed now was a front. Which was why I was finding it hard to put a front on in front of him. My front had dropped for a second when I said Tatz wasn’t him and he was the reason I wasn’t interested in anyone else. I should have kept that to myself—hell, I had for so long now.

I went to get up but his hands were planted on my sides and he forced me to stay in front of him.

The look in his eyes, if I could explain it, I would have to say it was pleasure mixed with happiness and maybe a dose of love as well. I didn’t know what he was feeling but clearly it was intense.

His hands were gripping my sides and his thumbs were on my ribcage as he ran his hands down over me. “I know it’s wrong but I want to remain the reason you keep men away.” His grip on me tightened and he nearly lifted me off the bed but all he was doing was pulling me toward him. “It’s selfish. I know that.”

It was like I was everything he wanted but everything he didn’t want at the same. Like he was a junkie and he loved the idea of getting high off me, but he didn’t want the addiction.

“You don’t really want that,” I said and my hands gripped his arms. “And I don’t expect you to want that,” I added with a sigh. “Brad, just because I said you are the reason doesn’t mean I want you to…” My words dried up as I tried to explain what I wanted to say. Finally I cleared my throat. “I don’t expect anything from you.”

That said it all, didn’t it? Somehow in my weird way that I’d gone about it, I’d expressed my feelings. Just because I did it still didn’t mean a thing. That was my issue. Not his.

His phone started ringing. And it was perfect timing, because I knew it would give him an excuse to leave before it got awkward for him, if it hadn’t already.

“You should get that,” I said, giving him the excuse he needed to escape.

He shook his head, looking more determined than ever to not answer. “Nah, fuck that. Last time, you left me when I did.”

“I left because it was late and you had someone waiting for you.”

“You’ve been avoiding me since that night.”

Well that wasn’t a lie. I sighed. “I didn’t want you to feel awkward.” That was the truth.

His eyes flashed to his faded mark and then locked with mine. Pain and frustration covered his brown eyes. “And you think me not seeing you is better? Hannah, knowing you’ve been with Tatz hasn’t left my head. I fucked up a motor because I was thinking about it!”

I frowned. Brad never fucked anything up, especially when it came to cars and motors. Why did a little thing like who I was spending time with matter to him so much? He only looked at me as a friend. A friend shouldn’t be making mistakes because they’re so stuck on how another friend spends their time. I wasn’t his girlfriend, sister or lover. He shouldn’t have gotten upset over a little thing like me having dinner with someone else.

I was curious on how he could fuck a motor up. Brad knew motors better than anyone. “How did you fuck up the motor?” I asked.

“Put the wrong oil in it. It was a client’s car, too, which made it worse.” He took a hand off me and ran it through his hair. “Reaper hasn’t shut up about it. It was a rookie mistake.”

“Sorry,” I smiled. “You should have just called me and I would have told you nothing was happening with Tatz.”

“I was tempted. But then I realized you didn’t have to explain yourself to me. I’ve got no right to expect you to tell me shit.”

“You do have a right.” I began to run my fingers down his jaw and he didn’t push me away. “I’m always honest with you.” Apart from the whole cancer thing. But that was very personal. I wasn’t telling anyone but Layla.

My doctors wanted my parents’ consent to begin treatment and I signed it on my parents’ behalf. Didn’t regret it. The radiation lady hadn’t questioned on why my parents hadn’t come for the first week of treatment. Maybe it was because everyone knew that my proud self-promoted sister was in the waiting room.

How anyone could think Layla and I were related I didn’t know. She had raven-black hair and chocolate brown eyes, whereas I’m a blonde and have blue eyes. We were opposites. But only a sister would show the type of love she was giving me.

“I don’t expect that of you, Hannah.” His words were low. “It’s selfish of me to expect that of you.”

“Your phone is ringing again.” I could hear it. “And you aren’t expecting it of me. I am doing it. There is a difference.” I moved my head closer to his and kissed his cheek. “Answer your phone, Brad. I’m not going anywhere.”

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