Page 97 of Forbidden

Chapter Eighteen

Hannah

I went to my desk. Eve’s work, which I had finished, was still open. I pushed it to the side. Moving it caused me to glance at the paperwork below it.

I looked down at the doctor’s recommendation. It was in their opinion that surgery was needed now and they didn’t want to wait till the end of the radiation. They believed the tumor may get smaller by radiation but they still believed I would need surgery.

I couldn’t handle it. Not right now. I dropped my textbook over it. All I wanted to do was hide. Hide from my family. Hide from the cancer. Hide from everything.

I wasn’t feeling strong. I was feeling weak. My hand went to my jaw and cheek. I knew it wasn’t just tissue damage. I wasn’t stupid. Tyson’s concerns saying it needed to get checked—well, he was right.

I was positive it was fractured. But I just didn’t care. The pain was all-consuming. Still, I wasn’t heading for the hospital. I knew I deserved this pain. I deserved it for pushing Dad to the point he’d snapped and also for lying to my family.

I ran my fingers gingerly over my cheek. I heard a knock on my door and I wanted to groan. I literally couldn’t put up a front. I couldn’t pretend I was okay. I tried. I really tried. But now I just needed to be left alone.

I was exhausted and sore. My breast was burning. My jaw and cheek were swelling, bruising, and shooting pain through my body. And my mouth kept filling with blood- which was a sure sign my jaw was fractured.

I stood up, reaching for the hem of my jumper and taking it off. I forgot all about the knock on the door. I just wanted to go to sleep. I think the whole lack of sleep last night was catching up with me, plus the exhaustion from treatment.

I unzipped my jeans, pushing them down. I just wanted bed. Sleep. Maybe tomorrow I could face the mess my life was turning into. My eyes glanced up and I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror.

I took a step closer. The more I looked the more I knew I was never going to be the same. The bruising and the swelling would one day disappear. Even the rash on my breast would go away one day.

But I felt I had lost everything I had never known, and now things were never going to be the same.

I picked up the hoodie I had gotten out of Tatz’s car, the one I always slept in, and was putting it on when my door opened.

I pulled it down in time to see Brad standing there in the doorway.

Had I not made it clear I wanted to be by myself? I didn’t know what he was planning on saying. I still couldn’t believe what I had nearly cost him. Andrea was a beautiful woman, and she would make a great wife and mother. She was everything a guy like Brad should want.

Brad wasn’t like a stereotypical biker. He didn’t use women.

I saw the ice in the tea towel. I guessed he was feeling uncomfortable being here. Should I take it off him so he could leave? Maybe I should. But that involved getting closer to him. I didn’t want to do that.

I still didn’t trust myself to be near him. Especially when I felt this weak and vulnerable. I might do something stupid like break down in front of him. The tears weren’t far away. Everything was getting to me—my situation, what happened, the cancer, the pain—everything was getting the best of me.

He needed to leave. And I didn’t even have the energy to tell him that, so I stepped out of my jeans, and turned my back to him, shutting down my laptop. I just needed sleep.

I also needed him to leave before I broke down. I knew my body was running on nearly empty now and the emotions were coming and soon I wouldn’t be able to stop them overcoming me.

“I bought you that jumper.”

I pinched my eyes shut for a minute, keeping my back to him. I heard the pain and guilt in his voice. And he wasn’t even talking about what happened. He was just stating a fact. He had bought me that jumper and I think I had slept in it nearly every night since. Though I had been without it for a week cause I left it in Tatz’s car.

I slowly turned around and went to give him a smile but it fucking hurt so my hand went to my jaw and cheek again. I knew the pain was only going to get worse as it went into the healing process.

He was in front of me within a blink of the eye. I couldn’t stop the hiss coming out of my mouth when he applied the ice.

It was an automatic reaction to pull my face away from him. But like he knew I was going to do it, he had his other hand on the side of my head; his fingers in my hair, gently keeping my head in place.

I clenched my eyes shut; god, I think it was more painful having ice applied. I knew ice might bring down the swelling, maybe help with the bruising. So tomorrow my cheek and jaw mightn’t be completely black from bruising.

Brad took the ice away and I sighed in relief.

“We need to talk, Hannah.” Brad’s tone had a seriousness to it. “But I know now is not the right time.”

I knew there was never going to be a ‘right time’ to have the conversation Brad wanted to have.

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