Page 50 of Property of Lucian

Chapter 39

Haylee

I always believed that in order to take the best, you have to have the ability to do it with your own strength. Sure, physical strength was needed, but it was the mindset that was really the issue. Everyone has a finger that can pull a trigger. But the mindset of ending a life, and their moral compass, is what normally stops a person. In my case, I didn’t have that issue. My moral compass was tainted to the point where it didn’t exist. I was loyal to mine and my brother’s empire, and I could and would kill for that.

If someone threatened us, I could take them out with my bare hands—which in my experience was where a person’s ability to kill was really tested. Because like I said, it was easy to pull a trigger, but the mindset to end someone’s life with your bare hands, to watch the life drain from their eyes . . . well, that took true power and a real mindset to not let yourself die with the life you were taking.

When I killed my father, I did it out of the need for survival.

But the lives I had taken since were merely out of loyalty to our empire—the same empire that was currently on fire.

I put the newspaper down after reading the headline.

Harley Crow to Face Life Sentence.

My brother always had the ability to get under the polices’ skin, thus causing media attention. How the hell was he going to get out of this web that the media was sticking him in?

Lucian walked into the kitchen, and I was quick to fold the paper over because I knew that I was going to have to lie to him about where I was going this afternoon.

His eyes ran over me like I was a sex on a stick. Really my hair was a mess and I was wearing one of Lucian’s T-shirts I had stolen.

“Morning,” I said and served the bacon onto a plate.

“Since when do you cook?” Lucian had irritation in his voice. I was guessing he wanted round four this morning, but found I wasn’t in bed when he woke up.

“Thought I owed you one.” I put the plate in front of him and my hand went to his cheek, looking at his bruised jawline. “Sorry for getting rough.”

“If I remember correctly, I was the one who ripped your clothes.”

My eyes dropped to the plate. I really sucked at emotions. But I knew that Lucian had more of a heart than I did, and that was saying something. To think the man who carried the weight of the club on his shoulders had the ability to care more than me.

CHAPTER 39 PART TWO

HAYLEE

I was a lover of self-medication. I self-medicated when feelings became too much. When I couldn’t cope with my emotions, I would pop a pill. Never abused them; however, I had two options. Think clear and shoot straight by taking a pill which disconnected me from my emotions. Or, have a shaky hand when I went to end a life, worrying about getting caught, and overthinking the life I was ending.

I recalled once, when I went to end a young woman’s life. I was unstable, and by that I meant I didn’t have my shit together. I pointed the gun at the woman, and the thought of her family burying her ran into my mind.

Harley gave me a straight calculating look like there was a bigger picture here than just the life I was taking. End result, I took the life—the woman was the daughter of a man I also killed in the end.

The bigger picture was that her father controlled the docks, and now we controlled the docks. Great business move.

Cold-hearted didn’t even fit me. Heartless fit better when it came to business. But that wasn’t the reason I was needing a pill. I was needing a pill because as I looked at Lucian across the common room, my heart was doing this weird thing in my chest. If I had to describe it, it felt like it was fluttering, and I hated it.

What the fuck was happening to me?

I was like lamb to the slaughter as I looked at Lucian, and he was the executioner.

He was a sickness spreading through my heart, he had tainted my view, my ability to look at everything cold and calculating.

I gritted my teeth. I needed to get some fresh air. Well, to be fair, I just needed to put some distance between my fluttering heart and Lucian. I walked from the bar, heading out the back after stealing a cigarette from the table, and lit it up. Wasn’t like you couldn’t smoke inside, but I just needed a break from my eyes going to him constantly.

Every few seconds I was looking for him. What the fuck had gotten into me? I told myself to get a grip. Repeatedly. I needed to pull my shit together. Lucian was far from an angel, so why the fuck was I thinking so much of him?

I inhaled on the cigarette, metal music pounding from the club.

My eyes went down to my hand, and even in the dark, I could see his name. I could be his property, I could be his trademark wife, but I could never love him. Could I?

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