Page 75 of Lust

And so I kissed goodbye to that sixteen year old innocence knowing, that I’d never come back from this cold hearted beast that had just clicked within me.

As for a woman that would love me unconditionally. I knew that wasn’t possible either. So I turned to the lifestyle that my father had brought me up in—knowing only coldness, harsh decisions and to never love or be loved. A lonely life one would say, but for me—I wasn’t expecting anything more—I had Olivia, didn’t I?

I pulled into our driveway. Ivory had been quiet since we left the club and that was on me. While I was reliving my past. She was sitting there most likely doubting me.

I killed the engine of the car and turn to her. “Ivory, about tonight.”

Her eyes flash to mine. “You don’t want to let me fully in and I get that.” Her words aren’t harsh. “I just guess it doesn’t go both ways. I let you in.” She pops open the door. “That was my mistake.” Is what she says before she gets out of the car, leaving me to feel like a real dick. My father once said to me that when you start feeling you step away from the club, perhaps my time as a member was coming to its natural end.

Then again, how can I even consider walking from the club, when I can’t even say I love you to Ivory.

53

Ivory

Slipping my jeans off I walk into mine and Kace’s wardrobe and grab a large shirt. It’s been a long and an awakening night. I realize that Kace has two sides. I realize that I will never be good enough, or wanted by him—to know both sides. So when I strip out of my clothes. I’m trying not to think about what this means for our relationship.

“I can’t do it.”

I look up. Kace is standing there. With this expression that sends my heart into spins.

“I can’t let you know that man.” He explains. “I…” he pauses and my heart stops because he is going to say it. Is he going to say the words… the I love you Ivory…. “I care for you a lot Ivory and you won’t feel a thing for me, if you know that side of me.”

Care. He cares for me.

I scoff and shake my head. “Okay. That’s your decision.” And I don’t fight him on it. I don’t point out that I’m the woman that would stand by him in the dark and the light. Even though I had told him that. “You have picked to keep me from that side of you. I didn’t.” I look him dead in the eyes and he realizes what I’m getting at and opens his mouth.

He realizes his mistake. But it’s a second too late.

My phone rings and I just picked it up. I answer it before he tells me not to. “Hello?” I say softly into the phone. I’m hurting and it is heard clear in my tone.

Kace looks at me, like he wants me off the phone. But I’m interested in who is calling me at two in the morning.

“Dad had a stroke.” Lincoln says.

I blink. “What?” The disbelief is heard clearly in my one word. “How… how bad?” I whisper in the phone.

“You better come up Ivy.” Links breaks the news to me. And then hangs up. I just stare at my phone.

“Everything okay?”

“My dad…. My dad…” Words freeze. Everything freezes. My father was a man of strength. He didn’t do disability. He had a stroke. Links must know it’s bad because he told me to come up. Images flash through my head and Kace’s arms are around my waist.

“Ivory what’s happened?”

“I need to go to the hospital.” I push away from his arms.

“I’ll take you.”

“My family won’t want to see you.” Hell let’s be honest I can’t look at him at this very second. He cares for me… cares…. I blink and tears swell in my eyes. It doesn’t matter. My dad has had a stroke.

“I don’t care. You’ve been drinking.” Kace still has the keys. “I’m taking you.” And just like a lot of things in our relationship. I didn’t get a say. But let’s face it, what relationship. The one where he keeps a side of himself away from me? Yeah. It was hitting me hard, knowing that.

* * *

Waiting rooms.They should be known as torture cells. I keep tearing up and then grounding myself, and knowing Dad will pull through, makes the tears go back away. Kace hasn’t left. But Asher isn’t happy about it.

But it got worse when Elle and Chopper arrived. Asher basically went from glaring at Kace to sharing the glare between Chopper and Kace.

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