Page 89 of Lust

If I had gotten the address, earlier. If I had kicked down the door instead of silently popping the lock. If I had gone to the master room, instead of working my way through the house. All the what if’s. All the should haves. Instead. I arrived to find Taylor standing over Ivory, who is bleeding out. And I was five minutes too late to have an impact on the outcome.

Five fucking minutes.

Couldn’t kill him. I needed to call an ambulance. I was busy applying pressure, while he ran. I was busy screaming at Ivory not to leave me. While her blood soaked my hands.

The ambulance came and I watched my life’s purpose get taken away—not breathing on her own.

Taylor was army trained he knew where to shoot. So the fact that he missed her heart, was God looking down and I wasn’t a religious man.

Now as I sat in a pew in the hospital’s church, my mind is racing. My clothes stained with blood. I wanted answers. Why did the woman I love have to be shot? Why was it I could save club girls from situations similar to this. But I couldn’t save Ivory.

Now as the President of Kings Deceivers sits beside me. I am questioned whether I am to act and find Taylor or the club is. But the option the Henderson’s want, is for the police to handle it. I knew sure as fuck that wasn’t happening. Taylor deserved to suffer. And the worst part was that I didn’t know if Taylor had told her about the lies Asher fed to him. I didn’t know if Ivory was dying, hating me, or loving me.

That really got under my skin. Because I needed to know that Ivory had every reason to fight on that hospital table, and not let her be taken from me.

“Ivory Henderson.” The Prez mutters and glances at me. “Is going to be your undoing.” The Prez was always wise, but his words right now just confused me. “If she pulls through, you’ll commit. If she doesn’t, you’ll end up with a death wish.” He runs his hand down his long beard. “You need to decide Ace if she is worth your soul. Cause she will cost you, your existence.”

He was right. Because with Ivory I was everything. Without her I was breathing but my purpose, my reason for existence wasn’t there.

So I rose up from the pew. Ready to end the man that had put my existence in question.

* * *

Breathing is simply justinhaling air and exhaling. So why the fuck did it feel so difficult. Why the fuck did it hurt so much. Perhaps it was because I didn’t know if she was still breathing. I lost my right to updates when I left the Henderson family at the hospital.

Taylor was like liquid in the ocean. He was gone. But it took time for me to realize that and during that time, Ivory was fighting for her life. According to Gabe we nearly lost her twice. But I now know my existence isn’t over, as I watch her sleep.

Creepy as it was, I felt the calmest I had been since it happened. The racing heart, the loss of purpose, the mind never shutting up with what could happen—all that stopped when I laid eyes on Ivory who is breathing on her own.

I run my hands over my head. My body is running on cigarettes and caffeine. Ain’t healthy. But neither is half the shit I do to my body. Watching Ivory’s chest rise and fall, became my pass time. As much as I wanted her to wake up, I didn’t. I wanted her to heal and her body would heal while she was sleeping. I didn’t want her in pain, and I knew personally the pain that follows from a gunshot wound.

I’m on edge. I know Taylor is the type of man that won’t like hearing that his plan to kill Ivory failed. So I knew eventually he would come back for her. But I wasn’t letting that happen while she wasn’t with me. So I took it upon myself to be at her bedside.

Gabe didn’t get the threat.

Links posted security at the door.

As for Asher, he just hated me in the same building as Ivory. Which I had news for him, Ivory and I—we weren’t separating.

My hand goes to her stilled one and I wonder, how long do I have to wait to see her blue eyes. But again I would rather her out on pain medication, then awake and clenching in pain. So I’ll suffer while waiting, as long as she is breathing, that’s all I cared about. I bring her cold hand to my lips. I’ll make this right. I’ll make everything she has been through right. But I begin to wonder, if I’m promising myself that so I don’t lose myself to the boiling rage that is slowly consuming me.

65

Kace

Ivory came to. It was natural for her to be confused. But when she pulled her hand from mine, looking terrified. I knew something was wrong. So did Gabe when she couldn’t tell who he was. She was just staring at us, like we were complete strangers.

But it was natural for her to be confused? Wasn’t it?

“You all must understand when Ivory was shot, her oxygen levels dropped. Well the depleted actually.” The doctor looks at us like we should understand, but I don’t, and neither do the Henderson’s. “Ivory has a condition called Anoxia.”

We still look at him.

“Her memories have been affected, causing memory loss. It most likely is temporary.” He says the sentence and I don’t know whether it is just me, or the Henderson’s as well. But I don’t want to believe it.

“So she has no idea who we are.” Links says slowly. When the doctor nods his head, I feel physically sick.

“The memories could come back.” The doctor adds, but I need to sit down. Fucking taking a seat, it sinks in that I’ve lost my girlfriend. She doesn’t remember our first time together, she won’t remember us meeting at the tracks. She won’t remember a fucking thing. I run a hand over my head as the doctor tells us how we can encourage the memories to come back. But time, is what it takes.

---