Page 14 of Ours

“To the hospital Hudson. I’m not going.” I swallowed sharply, trying to keep a tie over my heart which was pulsating nerves through my body. “He doesn’t know I’m there.” Tears swelled in my eyes. “He doesn’t … know …. That machines keep him here. That’s it.”

Hudson is a violent man, but he had never been violent with me. But I gasped when the water was thrown over my face.

“You woken up to yourself yet?” He yelled at me. “Maddox is still fucking breathing, because he has a reason to keep fighting. I’m telling you now Gabriella, you take that reason away, and he will die.” He then throws a tea towel at me. “Come find me, when you’ve woken up to yourself.”

I wipe the water off my face and can’t help but think Hudson is blinded by the myths of the road. That tell Bikers, as long as they have a reason, a purpose, a longing—that they will keep breathing. But the myths were just that. The reality was. Maddox was still here because of machines and I knew, he wouldn’t want that.

I knew as soon as his life support stopped, so did mine. Because him barely breathing was keeping my life on support.

* * *

All day,the tears hadn’t stopped. All fucking day. I cried. Then cried some more. Finally when I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, well—I kept crying. I couldn’t bring myself to go see Maddox. I couldn’t stop the feeling from suffocating me, that feeling being guilt.

I knew Hudson would be looking for me, when I hadn’t gone looking for him all day. So I hid in my father’s study, laying on the couch sobbing. As mature as that was.

“Gabriella,” There was a knock on the door and then it was swung open. “I’ve had enough of you crying in my study. Ya making the walls want to kill themselves.”

I sit up seeing my dad, only he moves slightly to the side, and Hudson is standing there. With a scowl on his face. “You hiding from me Gabriella?” He is looking directly at me, and I groan, while sniffing tears back.

“Leave me alone.” I gritted out, and just as I lay back down onto the pillows. I was ripped from them. And thrown over a muscular shoulder. I begin to pound on his back, telling him to let me go. But he doesn’t I just glared down at his feet, not stopping with punching him, as hard as I could—till he put me on my feet. The blood rushed to my head, and Hudson gripped my arm, stopping me from falling over. I then realised we are in the chapel.

“Pew. Now.” He shoved me down one, and no biker is religious and I know for a fact Hudson isn’t a man of god. So when he forced me down onto my knees, I want to slap him.

“You haven’t prayed a day in your life!” I glared at him. The reason that the church was built was more for funerals than anything else.

He stared in my eyes. “I prayed every fucking day after I left you, for the shit I did to be fixed.” He’s still staring at me, as my expression dropped. “For you to be happy again, and the man that made you happy, he needs you right now. So fucking close ya eyes and pray.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Just speak from the heart.”

I bite my bottom lip. This wasn’t going to help anything or anyone. “Out loud, silent what?” I can’t believe I was turning to Hudson for praying advice. But I was brought up by Chief, who only knew certain lines from the bible because he would say them at funerals.

“Whatever makes you feel comfortable darling.”

I sighed. Okay Ellie. Pray like Maddox’s life depended on it.

“I don’t know how to pray.” I say. “And I don’t really believe in you,”

“Way to kick it off Gabriella.” Hudson said and I knew he’d have a smirk on his face.

I clenched my eyes shut. “But if you are there, and you are having this plan to test me—please stop. I can’t take anymore.” My voice breaks. “When I was dying, Dad said he prayed to you, and you answered by giving me a new heart. I’m telling you now, there was no point in any of that. Of me surviving for you just to kill the man that gave me a reason to feel again.” My hands are shaking as I hold them together. “So I’m kneeling here, praying to you, not to take the man that gave me another shot at life.”

I inhaled sharply.

“We’re meant to get married. I want to see his expression when I tell him that he’ll be a father. I want him to feel our baby kick inside me. Then I want us to have those fights, you know the ones over who's going to cook dinner, telling him off for leaving his clothes on the floor.” My lips begins to tremor. Because the chances of any of this happening were slim “I want him to be as protective with our children as he is me. I want him there to scowled at the teachers. But most of all God, I need him to come back, to hold my heart together, because the man doesn’t just keep my heart beating, he keeps me together, and without him,” The tears begin to get to powerful and I begin to stutter. “I’m… losing the will… to wake up every morning… I’m losing the…” I inhaled through the tears, “the ability to keep going. And my thoughts are tainting the more time that passes, and if you take him, please fucking god, take me too—cause I don’t want to live without him.”

I inhaled sharply again and then opened my eyes, seeing Hudson staring at me, “Is that it?” I asked and wiped the tears from under my eyes.

“Amen.” Hudson says and he keeps his eyes locked with mine. I see regret, mixed with pain but mainly he looked how I felt. Broken. Lonely. No purpose. I swallowed sharply, as his thumb went to my cheek, wiping away a tear that I had missed. His thumb lingered for a second, then he stood up, putting a hand down for me and I slip my hand into his.

I didn’t say a word as we left the church. I didn’t know if a prayer would do anything, but I felt slightly better and for the first time in a long time, I had Hudson to thank for that.

We walked out of the church and I knew Hudson had things to do. But I kept my hand in his, when he went to pull his hand from mine, I squeezed on to his, and he looked back at me with this utter shocked expression.

“Hudson are you….” I stopped, and he looked at me to keep going, “are you busy tonight?” Why was I holding my breath?

He slowly shakes his head and I knew for a fact that there was a club party going on tonight because one of the chapters from his charter, was riding in.

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