Page 22 of Ours

Maddox is a man of his word, a man that could never be rocked. And as I stared up at him, relief flooding my body as I stare into his grey eyes. I missed staring into them and I don’t even know why. He hadn’t left me.

He takes a step towards me, as he cupped my face. “I’m just going for a ride baby.”

A ride? Without me? My heart started to drum to a beat I knew too well.

“Why ya crying darling, it’s just a ride?” he says with a small smile on his face.

Tears ran down my cheeks. “Then why does it feel like you’ve taken a razor to my heart and I’m bleeding out?”

He takes my hand off his cheek, bringing his lips to my knuckles. “It’s just a ride darling,” he says, while staring into my eyes.

But my heart was clenching. “Can I come? Please Maddox let me come.”

“This time darling ya can’t. But we’ll be riding together again before you know it.” And his words break me, the tears dropping quicker. “Come on darling,” he says, as he wiped the tears from under my eyes. “You’re stronger than this.”

Then he gives me this smile, then kissing my knuckles again, before letting my hands go.

“Maddox, I don’t want to stay here if you aren’t here.”

He looked at me with this sadness for a split second, before kissing my forehead and he pulled back—turning and leaving, walking for his bike.

The worst part, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t physically go after him.

He paused at the bike, and looked back at me, “Smells like rain darling, should have really got those clothes off the line.” His lips twitched up, and then he gives me his trademark smirk, mounting his bike and pulling away from me.

I sit bolt upright in bed. The sound of rain pounding down on the club roof. My heart racing, my fingers went to my eyes—feeling the tears. God, since when did I cry in my sleep? But since when did dreams feel so real? I stared out the window, watching the rain belt down over my clothes and it hits me.

My eyes widening.

He was telling me to let him go. I thought I knew what tears were, but now, as they flooded me, as my heart clenched as my world shattered—I was reminded of a time before this, when I lost my heart. What I would give right now to feel nothing. To be numb.

Fuck this. Fuck being sober. I throw the blankets back, getting up and walk straight for my bedroom dorm room, swinging it open. Only to be face to face with Hudson.

“What the fuck happened!” He growled.

“Move.” I needed drugs not an understanding shoulder to cry on. I needed to be numb.

Then he stepped into the room, closing the door. “More like you’ll tell me what happened.” And he wasn’t going to let me past him.

I could tell him the truth. Or I could hurt him to the point he’d let me go. “I don’t need you Hudson. I didn’t need you then. I don’t need you now. Move.”

I go to move past him and he puts his arm out, wrapping it around me, and pulling my back to his chest. I don’t know what it is but the tears begin to flood again, as soon as I’m in his arms.

I break, as Hudson holds me up, as earth shattering tears take over my body and its not grief it’s denial because Maddox had in some ways made the decision for me and that really hurt.

Hudson doesn’t let go of me, and in this moment, he is keeping me together.

* * *

Hudson doesn’t leaveme for the rest of the day, he eventually lays me down in bed. And he holds me as I shake in silent tears, and when I begin to sober up—I wanted him to leave so I could get my hands on drugs.

“Darling?”

I was staring directly across the room, my back against Hudson’s chest, as he refused to give up on me.

“You going to tell me what happened?” He was concerned and I sort of understood. I had never been in such a state and I had never broken down like that in front of anyone.

I turned onto my back, staring up at him. Can I say it out loud? Can I do that? “I’m turning Maddox’s life support off.” And I do say it out loud.

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