Page 104 of Timeless

His eyes glanced onto mine again. “You’ve always had it long.”

I shrugged. “It’s high maintenance.”

He kept his eyes on my hair. “I like it long.” He wouldn’t look at me in the mirror. His voice was so low, like he didn’t want me to hear it.

“That’s weird. So does Jack,” I mumbled.

Jax and I never did awkward. But this. This was fucking awkward.

“Amber, can I ask you something?” Jax asked, his voice low and reserved.

“Sure,” I said, trying to sound light but it came out stuttered. Okay, that was so not smooth.

He took the towel from my hair, looking down at it. “Um, you know, do you um…” He sighed. “Regret you know this morning?”

I immediately shut my eyes. And we get to the subject we were both avoiding. Looks like no more conversation about my hair.

I put my hands to my eyes. I could do this. I could be a parent. I could help run a million-dollar company. I can talk to the man I have always loved about how I feel. “No, Jax, I don’t regret last night. I mean, this morning.” I exhaled sharply. “I don’t take back anything I said or did. So, if you do, I get it….” Okay, this was getting more awkward. “I totally get it. Seriously, it’s fine. Um, you should go. You know, get something to eat before my brothers eat everything in the house.”

I flung around. “Okay just go. Before I make this get more awkward.” I stared down at his feet. “Jax, please leave?” I pleaded. “You and I don’t do awkward, and I’m making this situation really awkward. So please leave before I do more damage.”

I was glaring down at his boots. How did I manage to become the awkward clingy ex-girlfriend?

“Seriously, Jax. Leave. I’m being that girl. You know the girl who is clingy to her ex-boyfriend. Then sleeps with her ex-boyfriend and spills all her feelings at him.” The words were just tumbling out. I clamped my mouth shut. I could not say it more clearly. I ran my hand through my hair. “Point is, I’m giving you the get out of jail free card. Your son loves that card, too. And um does what you should do and um use it and um…” I gestured toward the opened doorway.

He had the most relaxed smile on his face. I had never seen it before. For someone who was meant to be running for the exit and using the get out of jail free card, he didn’t seem panicked.

He slowly moved his hand toward me, slowly enough that I could stop him. He brushed the wet hair from the side of my face. “You hid from me.” His fingers lifted my chin up. “You’ve never hid from me.”

“Well.” I frowned. Any woman would be self-conscious in front of a man who last saw you when you were six years younger. How was I meant to explain the inner workings of my mind, and the doubt that surrounded my body image?

“Amber, you’ve never hid from me. If you don’t want me like that it’s fine.”

“Jax, it wasn’t personal.” I cut him off and forced myself to look him in the eye. “The last time you saw me, I was six years younger. I didn’t have a scar across my stomach, and I also hadn’t had a baby pulled out of me.” I ran my hand through my wet hair. “I’m self-conscious. What did you expect?” I gestured to the lights above me. “These downlights make me look even older.” I shot a glare up at them.

He looked at me like I was a puzzle. Men. I sighed and took the towel from his hand. “Just forget it.”

He immediately took the towel off me. Like he wasn’t letting me cover up. “You’re smaller. Smaller than when you got back from England.” His eyes ran down me. “You’re fucking tiny. And it makes your breasts look bigger.”

“Because I had Jack. Your breasts just get bigger after a child.” Surely, even men knew that fact?

“Not that.” He shook his head and his hand ran down my side. “Why are you so small?” He looked me back in the eye, concern painted across his face. “You’ve always been small. When you got back from England, you were smaller. But you weren’t this… tiny.” His words paused and he looked me back in the eye. “Why? Why are you this tiny?”

Okay. He was poking a touchy subject. A subject I didn’t speak of. I kept my insecurities about my weight under tighter control than my depression. My depression, which he had managed to pick up on from a few stories that Tae told him.

“I really need to get dressed.” I went to get the towel off him.

“Even though you’ve been through pregnancy, not one of your tattoos got damaged. You have a tiny scar on your stomach but you are acting like it is the only thing I would see?” His eyes were back on me. “Why are you so insecure about your body?”

“I’m not,” I lied. “I’m totally not.”

“Amber.” He could still tell when I lied.

“Okay, fine. I’m on the lower side of my BMI,” I mumbled, admitting maybe I was on the smaller side of what was acceptable. “There, I admit it. Now, Jax, I need the towel. I need to dry off.”

I thought he was going to give it to me but instead he opened the towel and started to dry me.

“I can dry myself.”

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