Page 109 of Timeless

“Okay just forget I said anything.” God, I was just trying to help him. I twisted the doorknob and his hand landed on the door and he shut it. He wasn’t going to forget what I said.

“Did you hear what I said last night?” The anger was clear in his voice. God, he was acting like I had purposely insulted him! “Did you listen to anything I said?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m not deaf.”

“So, why the fuck would you just suggest that!” His control over his temper was breaking and I could hear it in his voice. “I fucking told you! I told you I turned down the club offer! So why the hell would I run to the club to fuck some whore now?”

“They aren’t whores.” I crossed my arms, being stubborn. Jax always thought more of club girls than that. He took in their dedication and he would be the first to protect one of the girls.

“You jealous, is that it?”

“No!”

“Then why are you forcing me to go to other women for sex, when I said I only want you?” He was frustrated and it was clear in his voice.

I guess a large part of me couldn’t see why he would settle for me. But if he really wanted me, he needed to see the full picture. “You want to know how I spend most of my nights? You want to know the reality that you are agreeing to?” I crossed my arms. “Jack needs routine. So that is exactly what he gets. He has nightmares. His nightmares get worse after he has been away from me. So, he will most likely be sleeping in my room. I’m not joking when I say he will want to sleep with you and me.”

I took a deep breath.

I wasn’t done.

“Your son isn’t like a nine-to-five job, Jax. You are always on the clock.” I was starting to feel frustrated with myself because I wasn’t telling him the main point to this argument. “The point is, I won’t be able to just fuck you when you want to. It’s not like it is just us now. I’m not…” I paused. “I can’t just be yours now. Okay? Jack comes first. In saying that you have needs, I’m doing something I’m actually good at now, which is putting other people first. So…” I looked up at him and smiled.

He was not smiling at me. He was still glaring. “So, you just let everyone walk all over you?”

I frowned. “No!”

“You let Will fuck blondes while he was with you!” Jax’s voice went up, his rage coming out. “You have some twisted version of me fucking other women and you being okay with it? Since when did you fucking accept that behavior! When did you start thinking you were a doormat!”

He wasn’t pissed off, he was past that. I think I had pushed him past anger and into the furious zone.

“I can’t argue with you. I’m not going to justify how I live my life now. If you want a role in it, you have to learn that in my life, Jack comes first.” I inhaled sharply. “Not even you comes before him.”

Jax pinched his eyes shut. “You didn’t hear a word I said last night.” He stopped pinching his eyes, and looked at me. “I clearly didn’t make my point.” I had never heard him more frustrated.

“Jax, we don’t have time. I have phone calls to make. Washing to do. Dishes to do. A whole house to clean before Jack gets here. I have to somehow get all my appointments that are scheduled for today in the office and change them to conference calls—”

“Stop. Just stop.” He cut me off. “You aren’t leaving this room until you understand.”

“Understand what?” I snapped. “I don’t have time for this!” Was he not hearing me when I said I have a dozen things to get done?

His hand went to my shoulders and he forced me to face him. “I love you, Amber, do you hear that?” He was keeping his voice steady but I knew he was furious right now.

“I love you, too.” I stepped into him. “But you have to understand, I can’t just be yours anymore.” I placed my hands on his chest. “I don’t mean to make you mad but I just can’t be… the girl I was.”

“You won’t listen to me.” He took my hands off his chest. “I want you, Amber. And Jack.”

“Jax, you need to be realistic.”

“Nah, don’t mock me like I’m stupid.” He let out a sharp breath. “You don’t think I know Jack comes first? I get that. You listening to me? I want Jack sleeping between us, I want to be with you. But you aren’t taking me seriously, when I say I want you.”

“I am.”

“No, you aren’t! Because if you were taking me seriously, you wouldn’t be forcing me to go to other women!” He let go of my hands, like they burned him. “There was a time you said you would kill any woman who touched me! And you were serious about it!”

“Jax…”

“When did you… stop valuing yourself?” Jax looked at me like I was a complete disappointment. “Did I do this to you? Did I fucking ruin you completely? Is that on me?” Tears were swelling up in his eyes. “I ruined you!”

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