Page 182 of Timeless

He scoffed loudly and his hands ran through his head. “You telling me shit I want to hear.”

“Okay then.” And I uncrossed my arms. “I’ll tell you. If you tell me, why you’ve been so fucking cagey all week?”

Did he think I hadn’t noticed his phone calls? Did he really think I hadn’t noticed his private conversations with brothers?

I felt my rage creeping up. “Why don’t you just spit out the speech Jax?” I snapped at him. “Tell me the same but slightly tainted speech that you’ve been giving me since I was eighteen when I fell in love with you.” I sat on the edge of the couch. “You stopped wanting a relationship as soon as you realized I was all in.”

How could I be back in this position? Again? The exact same position! Though this time I was already a mother. But I knew deep down, Jax had this ability to smash my grip on my health—when he breaks my heart, he also sucks out my soul.

“Amber,”

“Don’t—” I yelled over. “I take it back. I can’t handle it.” I got up and I couldn’t sit there and hear the speech. I couldn’t do it. I forced myself to look him in the eyes, as tears swelled. “I don’t know what is worse, that I’m in the same position or that this time I thought we would work.”

I could tell him I’m pregnant. But he already knows about Jack and he is already pushing me away, so what would it do?

I had just turned my back to him, when he gripped my arm, spinning me around.

“I might never get my shit right. I might fuck up over and over. But I’m fucking telling ya darlin’. I ain’t leaving you,” His hands cupped my face, and he towered over me, as he looked intently into my eyes.

I heard his words but at the same time I didn’t hear his words. As my heart pumped pure white panic through my blood. I couldn’t think. I could barely breathe. . . he was leaving me. And I slowly felt my soul drifting from me. While I know I’ve got to stay whole for Jack, in this moment. I’m breaking.

“Amber, breath baby.” Jax said and forced my head up to look him into the eyes. “Darlin’ did you even hear me?”

I felt my emotions draining. I felt my energy disappearing and in these few short seconds. I felt the numbness that I bathed in before Jack was born. Who could I be a mother to a newborn, let alone a six year old as well. If I couldn’t even feel?

I had to get a fucking grip on this.

“Amber!”

I came back to the moment. Seeing the concern and panic in Jax’s eyes.

“Darlin, I ain’t leaving.” He said firmly, and dips his head just slightly.

I blinked. He wasn’t leaving tonight because of how I reacted. But then he had been so set on giving the trained speech tonight. Should I really let him not be able to do it? I let the tears fall from the corner of my eyes, as I stared at him.

“Just say it Jax, you’re leaving.” The words come out of my mouth but I don’t want to believe it is happening and I’ve gone back in time. Feeling how I felt at the prison, when he pushed me away. “I saw the nerves in your eyes.”

“Yeah, cause I am fucking nervous,” he blew out and his thumb ran over my bottom lip. “I ain’t never had anything to lose. Until I met you.” His eyes flashed back to mine. “You’re the love of my life Amber. I don’t want to spend one day without you.”

He wasn’t. . . was he? My eyes were locked on him, and I saw nothing but honesty within them. I heard the front door swing open, and then the sound of heavy foots coming up the hallway.

“Jax,” Troy said as soon as he walked into the room. It was the tone in my brothers voice that made me turn my head to look at him.

“Troy are you okay?” I asked quickly, as soon as I looked at him. Seeing his worried expression and the coldness in his eyes.

Troy’s eyes were locked on Jax.

“Everything okay brother?” Jax asked as well and let go of me, as he turned to see Troy. I saw frustration flick across Jax’s eyes.

“It’s Rev Jax,” Troy said, and he hesitated before taking a deep breath. “He’s out. He’s at the clubhouse. Shit is. . . shit is bad brother.”

I wasn’t even aware Rev had appealed his life sentence. Let alone it being successful. By the expression on Jax’s face, he had no idea either. But in that moment, we both had no idea how one man’s freedom could cost us the life we had always known. After all we are all a decision away from a different life. What is worse, is when, someone else’s decision reshapes your life as you know it and that is exactly what happened when Rev got out prison. He made one decision, that redirected mine and Jax’s life.

Chapter 26

Jax

It was the third of October. Sitting across from Rev. He was never a father, so he didn’t deserve the right to be called one. I had spent my childhood, learning the importance of control, scarify and that the only man respected in a room. Is the man that controls the life of the others.

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