Page 76 of Timeless

“Don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are!”

She pinched her eyes shut “Jax, you said what you were feeling. I put a gun to my head and told you I was going to kill myself.” She opened her eyes and stared into mine. “You are allowed to react to that however you want to. I’m not going to hold it against you. Or make you say sorry for feeling what you were feeling. It was my fault. And I was selfish to do that to you.”

“Sweetheart, don’t make excuses for me.”

She put her hand over the mine, which was holding her cheek. “I don’t ever expect you to forgive me for what I nearly did tonight.”

“You were doing it to save our son.” I put my other hand on her knee, getting in closer to her. “You are one hell of a woman, Amber. You always have been.”

“No, I’m a coward.” She smiled dimly and tears dropped from her eyes. “I was a coward hiding from you for all these years, and my brothers.”

She was being hard on herself. Because of me. Me and my fucking month.

“Amber you aren’t a coward. Just, ignore everything I said, okay? Don’t think shit like that about yourself. Not when it’s not true.” I leaned more into the car. “Please, sweetheart, don’t take what I said to heart.”

Tears fell from her eyes. “The truth is the truth.” She swallowed sharply. “Don’t feel like you need to make up for something that is true.” She took my hand off her cheek. “And don’t feel like you need to comfort me. I’m okay. And you don’t have to worry about what you think of me affecting your relationship with Jack. I will never keep him from you.”

She was missing the whole fucking point to my melt down to begin with! Was I going to have to point out the obvious?

“I love you, Amber.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why won’t you listen to me when I say it?” I gritted out. Why was she shutting down on me! Why was she pulling away from me? I know I hurt her. I was fucking sorry. I didn’t know how to make it up to her. But I knew I didn’t want this. I didn’t want her to turn into a zombie around me.

She was going to let Jack in my life. But she was going to make sure she wasn’t in my life.

“Look at what I do to men. Look at my history. Blake, Tae, Will, you. I just fuck things up. I always have.” Amber sighed and looked like she was giving up on herself. “I’ll make your life worse. Not better. I’ve never made anyone’s life better. And look at tonight. Look at what I was about to do to Jack’s life. Everyone is better off without me.”

What the fuck had I done?

Okay, I need to put her back together. How the fuck do I do that?

“Don’t say shit like that.” I felt the panic of the situation raising in me. She wasn’t just shutting down from me. She was shutting down from the world.

Because of me.

Tae said she was depressed. She couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t know much but I felt like what I had said to her tonight had switched something inside her.

“What happened when you were pregnant with Jack?” I needed to get her speaking. I was starting to see my words hadn’t just hurt her but had caused her to shut down.

She shrugged her shoulders, clearly not wanting to tell me that part of her life.

“Tae said you were depressed.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s his version of what happened.”

“Well, you tell me yours.” I lowered to my knees completely. I had a strong fucking feeling that I had caused her depression. And right now, I was causing it to come back. So, I had to do something.

“Now?” She turned and frowned at me. “Everyone wants to go home. It’s freezing and I think my brothers are stopping Tae from coming to the car.”

Because they knew what I knew, which was that Tae wanted to remove Amber from our lives. And they were counting on me to stop it.

“Sweetheart, tell me what happened when you were pregnant.” I was gentle with her and could see the signs of her shutting down completely.

---