Page 184 of Never Tell Lies

“Yeah, you are. You don’t think it’s a little suspicious that you’ve been taking the pill without a hitch for five years and then this super controlling, super possessive guy comes along and suddenly your pills start disappearing?” My mouth fell open as I watched her take another curt drag on her cigarette, the burning tobacco lighting up the dusk. She couldn’t be serious. The nagging feeling that she might be right sat at the back of my mind but going down that road was a straight way to a life without Alfie and that wasn’t a road I wanted to go down. Ever. I took a deep sip of wine and turned to face my best friend.

“Okay, I don’t know what you’re implying?—”

“I’m implying that Alfie Tell is a manipulative dick who’s been stealing your birth control.” My best friend, blunt as ever.

“You’re way off, Keira.” I took another sip of wine and my head swam a little. I was supposed to be sleeping at Keira’s tonight so I hadn’t worried about getting tipsy. Now, drinking didn’t seem like the best idea. “I know things haven’t been perfect with him, but we’ve worked really hard and I don’t want to give him up. He’s letting me in, showing me a side of him that no one else ever gets to see. Heneedsme. I was even thinking about showing him my Memory Garden and?—”

“Well, I’m happy for you.” Her voice was rich with sarcasm and it grated on me. I knew she was pissed that I wasn’t leaving with her, but this was my life, not hers.

“Passive aggression doesn’t suit you, you know.”

“And being a pushover doesn’t suit you. I guess we’re both wearing the wrong clothes today.”

“Apushover? What the hell, Keira?”

She rounded on me, her sweet, plump face flushed with anger. She’d officially entered the pissed-as-hell zone.

“What the hellme? Lo, what the hell is going on with you?” Her voice cracked and I felt it in my chest. “We’ve been friends our whole lives. I laid in bed with you for days when your mumdied, and when your gran died I did it again. I was there when Adam was stalking you and treating you like shit. I went with you to meet Natalie for the first time. I’ve been there for you through every crazy thing and you’ve never so much as let me near your Memory Garden and now, suddenly, you know this guy for barely a few months and he gets a free pass?”

“It’s not like that!” I argued but she was beyond listening to me.

“And now,” she continued, barely coming up for air, “when you finally get into that college, the place you’ve been dreaming about for years, you’re just going to give it up for some guy?” She sounded disgusted with me and anger rose in my throat. She had no idea, no right to say any of this to me.

“He’s not just some guy!”

“I know, I know, he’stheguy. Bullshit!”

Suddenly I couldn’t stand to talk to her any more. I knew she was hurt, but why couldn’t she try to understand? I downed my wine and dropped the glass on the ground. I stood, my legs a little shaky. She looked up at me and took a contemptuous sip of her wine.

“Don’t take your bitter shit out on me, Keira. It’s not my fault that you’ve fucked a hundred guys and have never found anything close to real.”Did I just say that?

Keira narrowed her eyes. “Yeah? Well, I would rather fuck a hundred guys than let one fuck with me.” Her tone was cold and sounded so wrong coming out of her mouth.

“He isn’t fucking with me!” The nagging feeling told me to stop, to listen to my best friend, but I couldn’t entertain what she was saying. Alfie wouldn’t do those things, hewouldn’t. “And you know what, Keira, what I choose to do with my life is none of your fucking business.”

“It used to be, back when we were friends. Back when the sky was still blue, pigs didn’t fly, and you still knew your own mind.”She stood now, facing me, her dark eyes shining with tears. She let out a shaky breath, her tone finally softening. “You’re not like this, Lo. You’re tough and you have a temper and you’re passionate about your work. You don’t roll over for a guy just because he’s got money and a good dick!”

“Keira, that’s not fair.”

She took a step towards me and cupped my face. “Lo, please listen to me. I warned you about Adam, remember? You ignored me about him too.”

“Alfie isn’t Adam.”

“No, he’s a lot smarter than Adam with way more resources.” I pulled out of her grasp, unable to hear what she was saying, but she grabbed my arms and forced me to look at her. “Lo, I love you to death, but as your best friend and your family, I’m telling you that I’m getting bad vibes about this. Isn’t it strange to you that you’ve been able to tell everyone about college but not him? What about the GPS thing, the control, the secrets?—”

“They don’t matter,” I insisted. They did matter, just not enough to make me give him up. I couldn’t lose anyone else. I just couldn’t.

She sighed and dropped her hands. I wanted to grab them back and squeeze them, to force her to be my friend again, but I felt like we’d already gone too far.

“What about stealing your pills? Does that matter?”

“He isn’t stealing my pills!” He wouldn’t. Alfie was manipulative, but I trusted him with my body. He wouldn’t fuck with me like that.

“Then try him out.” She folded her arms and gave me an‘I dare you’look. “Leave your pills somewhere and see if they go missing. If I’m wrong, then hell, I’ll kiss his dick myself.” Normally I would laugh, but this wasn’t funny.

“I don’t need to do that. I trust him.”

“No, you don’t,” she said evenly.

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