Page 58 of Dreams and Desires

Juniper

The ride to the hospital is nothing short of torture. Zade keeps glancing over at me, probably wanting to say something, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I’m barely holding it together, my thoughts spinning out of control with worry for Jacob.

The silence in the car is unbearable, with each mile dragging us closer to the hospital.My mind races with a thousand different scenarios, none of them good. The only thing keeping me from completely losing it is the rhythmic sound of the tires on the road, a steady reminder that we’re getting closer to the hospital, closer to Jacob.

Zade clears his throat like he’s about to say something, and I stiffen, not wanting to hear whatever it is he has to say. But he stays quiet, and I feel like I’m suffocating, trapped in this car with my fears and regrets, with Zade and everything that he represents. Every glance he shoots my way feels like it’s burning a hole in me, but I keep my eyes fixed on the road ahead, willing myself to stay focused on what really matters—Jacob.

When we finally pull into the hospital parking lot, I’m out of the car before it even comes to a full stop. I head straight for the entrance, my legs moving faster than my thoughts. Zade is right behind me, but I don’t wait for him. I can’t afford to.

Dominique gets me to a room, and tests are run, and after that, I wait in the waiting area for the verdict. Whether I'm a match or not.

Hours later, Dominique comes and shakes her head, sympathy etched into her features. “Juniper, you’re not a match.”

I can’t believe it. I feel like the walls of the hospital are closing in on me. I feel lightheaded and stumble, but Zade catches me. “Juniper, you gotta stay strong.” He says, but it’s easier said than done.

“How is that even possible? I’m his sister!” I cry.

“It happens sometimes, Juniper. The genetic markers just didn’t line up.”

My vision blurs with tears. “But… What happens now? What do we do?”

“He’s on the donor list, but time is running out,” Dominique says, her voice heavy with the impact of the truth. “We’ll do everything we can, but...“

Her words trail off, but the implication is clear. Jacob might not make it. The tears spill over, and I bury my face in my hands, sobbing. The enormity of the situation crashes down on me, suffocating me with guilt and helplessness.

Through my tears, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Zade standing there, his expressions are conflicted, but his presence is oddly comforting. “Juniper,” he begins, but I can’t take it. Not now. Not from him.

“Don’t,” I snap. My tone is raw and edged with pain. “Just… don’t.”

His eyes widen, hurt flashing in them, but he doesn’t step back. Instead, he kneels in front of me, his hands gently taking mine. “Juniper, I’m so sorry. I never wanted this to happen.”

“Sorry?” I laugh bitterly, pulling my hands away. “You’re sorry? Do you even understand what I’m going through? What Jacob is going through? This isn’t some game, Zade. My brother’s life is on the line!”

"I know that," he gets out, his words coming uneven. "I know. I'm trying here."

“Help?” I shout, cutting him off. “How can you possibly help? You’ve done enough, Zade! You’ve already taken so much from me and from my family. Just... just leave us alone!”

People in the waiting area begin to stare, their whispers buzzing around us like angry bees. I can feel their judgment and their disdain, and it only fuels my anger. “You’re just like them,” I hiss, pointing toward my parents, who are also there.

“Juniper, please…” Zade tries to reach for me again, but I step back, my entire body shaking with anger and despair.

“Get out, Zade,” I demand. My tone trembles. “Leave. Now.”

He looks at me, his face crumpling with sorrow. For a moment, it seems like he might argue, but then he nods slowly, his shoulders slumping. “If that’s what you want.”

Without another word, he turns and walks away, the sound of his footsteps fading as he exits the hospital. I stand there, watching him go, a twisted emotions of relief and regret battling inside me.

The whispers around me grow louder, and I can feel the stares burning into my skin. My parents’ cold, accusing eyes are the worst. I want to scream, to cry, to disappear. But instead, I just stand there, frozen, the tears streaming down my face.

“There must be something I can do. Something. Please, Dominique.” I beg.

Dominique’s face crumples with sympathy, and she hugs me tight as I cry. I can feel her own tears falling onto my shoulder, her breath hitching as she tries to comfort me. “I’m so sorry, Juniper,” she whispers. “I wish there was more we could do.”

But there’s nothing more anyone can do, and that’s what makes it unbearable. The helplessness, the fear, and the knowledge that I can’t save him—it’s too much.

When I finally pull back, my face is wet, and my eyes are swollen and red. I wipe my cheeks with trembling hands, trying to regain some semblance of control. But it's of no use. The pain is too raw and too deep, and it feels like it’s tearing me apart from the inside.

I don’t know how long I sit there, staring blankly at the wall. Time seems to have lost all meaning. My thoughts are a jumbled mess, and my emotions are a raw, bleeding wound. All I can think about is Jacob—Jacob, who’s been through so much, who’s fought so hard. Jacob, who’s always been there for me, who’s my rock, my everything.

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