Page 29 of Knot Your Damsel

Only time will tell which it will be.

12

Mathew

The darknessthat I’ve been trying to keep at bay for years started to creep back in when Caleb demanded to know how much danger I was in, not in general, but because he knew the significance of my crowned heart tattoo. When the look in his eyes didn’t turn to pity or revulsion, but into a promise to protect me and a promise of revenge.

As he held me, I could feel the walls that I built around my heart and mind slide away, revealing something raw inside, a raw pain, a wound that never healed, still as raw as the day it was inflicted.

As long as we were all awake and kept up the teasing and banter and mixed it up with a couple more amazing orgasms, I could ignore the way it was starting to loom over me more and more.

But once everyone was asleep, once I’d watched Vera and then Caleb fall asleep, my heart filled with joy at having them in my bed, at having them so close. Once that was over, it engulfed me and I had to get out, get away from them, or it could somehow hurt them too.

When Vera found me, she was like a lifeline in the darkness, and when she offered me her hand, when she told me that if I needed to hold onto something I could hold her… That small offer of affection burned away some of the pain.

But I know I can’t fully accept her, I can’t fully accept them into my life, until they know what I’m really like. If they find out about the darkest parts of my past and still accept me, I’ll gladly give up my life for them. I’ll be theirs forever.

“What are you two doing out here?” Caleb’s voice is a soft rumble and as I slightly untangle myself from around Vera to look at him I notice the mixture of worry and amusement in his gaze.

I lick my lips, fully unwrapping myself from around Vera, but not letting go of her hand.

My heart beats in my throat as I know what I need to do next. If I don’t do this, I’ll never be able to move forward. And I want to let them in, I want to let them in so badly.

The sooner I tell them, the sooner I’ll find out how much of a monster they think I am.

“I need to show you two something.” I pull Vera along, out of the bedroom, down the stairs and into the office.

As I step inside, I notice that someone has put a piece of cloth over the blood stain in the carpet. Probably Derrick or Timothy, trying to help me in their own way.

I sit Caleb and Vera down on the couch that’s to one side of the office, looking out over the middle of the room. They’re both staring at me. Waiting, worried.

Here goes nothing.

“I’m twenty-six. I’ve been head of this organisation for ten years.” I try to keep my voice from shaking, which isn’t easy when worry floods from Vera and fury from Caleb.

My age was all he needed to put together the story of a large part of my past and the fact he responded with anger and not disgust makes me way more grateful than I should be.

Because the part he knows about is not the worst part, that part doesn’t compare to the other things that I’ve done.

Their reactions give me the strength and courage to keep going, to explain how I got here, how I took over this organisation at the age of sixteen.

“My parents were pair-bonded Betas. I have—” I clear my throat.

“Ihadthree siblings, all older than me. When I was eight, everyone was killed because my dad had messed with the wrong jackass and while trying to flee from them had fatally wounded the pack’s Omega. The only reason I survived was because they didn’t notice I was still breathing, that the blood on me wasn’t mine, but from my siblings as they tried to protect me.” I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the bile in my throat.

Their screams, their fear, they still haunt me. The carnage in our kitchen still seared into my memories, even nearly two decades later.

“At first, I lived in the streets. I was tall for my age so everyone thought I was older than I was. I quickly picked up some important skills, like how to use a knife and how to make sure that nobody could tell anyone where I’d been.”

Those days are mostly a cloud of grey in my mind, too horrible to try too hard to remember, but not as horrible as what happened before or after.

I don’t notice I’ve closed my eyes until Vera entwines her fingers with mine, making me nearly jump out of my skin, and then hold onto her tightly. I slide us both to the floor and wrap my arms around her, like my body can protect her from the things I’m about to tell her.

“After a while, someone noticed me. They brought me food and clean clothes, until I trusted them enough to follow them when they offered me a place to sleep and take a shower.”

This time, when Caleb’s deep growl rumbles through the room, I don’t jump, expecting his response. I carefully let go of Vera’s hand and reach out to him. In moments, I’m wrapped in his embrace like I’m wrapped around Vera, protective.

Having them with me allows me to stay in the now, keep me grounded in the present while walking them through my past.

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