Page 24 of Tell Me You Love Me

“You’re being overly dramatic,” she drawls. “It’s a gym.”

“And you’re being exactly who you’ve always been. Underhanded, manipulative, and when called out on it, you stand atop your mountain of self-righteousness and declare yourself the worst treated mother who ever birthed an ungrateful child.” I stalk through the door and fist the handle, and glancing back, I swallow the ache that bubbles in my throat. Because we’re revisiting the same bullshit I grew up with, the same old drama and control tactics, but this time, I’m sparring with a sick woman.

“I would have thought, faced with your mortality, you’d learn to embrace the family you have.” I look her up and down. “Your behavior is not okay.”

“You know nothing of my mortality. Nor my intentions.”

“Right. And there’s absolutely no chance you could be wrong.” Shaking my head, I close the door and start toward my room. I need a shower. Fresh clothes. A fucking bra—how utterly apt that I faced Tommy Watkins today without one—then I need to go to the bookstore and figure out a game plan for getting that place back into shape.

But when I blow into my room with the rage of a thousand divorcedwomen, I come to a skidding stop and find Franky sitting cross-legged on my bed, his book nestled in his lap, but his eyes on me.

Shit.

“H-how much of that did you hear?” Anger burns in my throat, but I calm my movements, closing the door at my back and wandering across the room until I can lower into a crouch and search his green-eyed gaze. “I got kinda heated, huh?”

“You don’t normally shout like that.” He nibbles on the corner of his lips and studies me through constantly dirty lenses. “You were mean to Tommy and Grandma both on the same day.”

It’s this town! These people! This life,I want to scream.

But I lock those words away and nod instead. “I did. Lost my temper a little bit. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“I’m sorry I went outside and made you mad.” His eyes glitter and turn red. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just woke up before you did and heard them outside in the yard. I wanted to see what they were doing.”

“Do you… uh…”God, I’m not ready for this. “Um. So you met Tommy at the gym already, huh? And Chris. What was that like?”

He drops his gaze, lifting his shoulders and shrugging. “Tommy wasn’t like how he was just before. He was silly at the gym.” He pauses before leaning forward and whispering, “I even saw him use his middle fingers at someone’s dad.”

Of course he did.I choke out a laugh, hating how it verges dangerously close to hysteria. “Yeah?”

“He didn’t mean for the kids to see it. But I did. And Chris was more talkative today than he was at the gym. He was trying to distract me from your argument with Tommy, so he told me how the truck’s engine works and stuff. But I heard you anyway.”

I take his hands in mine and release a gusty sigh. “You’re too smart for your own good, you know that? People see a nine-year-old and assume you’re like all the others. Kids your age are easy to divert. Butweknow better, don’t we? You understand so much more than they think.”

“I heard Tommy say you snuck out of town without telling him.”

Aching and silent, I nod again.

“And you said to Grandma how he has a right to be angry. Because you did what he says you did.”

Kill me. Please, universe, take me now.

“Yes. I did what he says I did.”

“And he’s mad because you didn’t tell him you were leaving?” He rollshis lip between his teeth, thoughtfully processing my words. “You didn’t want him to come to New York with you?”

Yes. I did. So, so, so much.“I couldn’t take him with me.” I hate that my eyes itch with unshed tears. That my nose stings and my throat burns.I will not cry in front of my son for a man I knew before he even existed.“Life can be cruel sometimes, honey. And even if we want something, we don’t always get to have it. I can’t even begin to explain it all to you—and I won’t,” I add when he opens his mouth. “It’s not for you to know. That was my lifebefore,and you’re my lifenow. But yes, I left. And yes, I snuck out, even though Tommy was my friend back then. My very, very best friend in the whole world. We’d been friends for a long time, even when we pretended we weren’t, and in all that time we had together, we’d made plans for how we wanted our lives to turn out. We had hopes and dreams and ideas, and we were so young and naïve, we were entirely incapable of anticipating a world where those dreams wouldn’t come true.”

“So you left…” Dimples, the same as mine, flash in his cheeks. “Will you ever leave me?”

“Oh, God. Baby, no!” I pull him in close and rest my ear over his pounding heart. Abandoning Tommy Watkins ten years ago nearly killed me. Abandoning my son, on the other hand, isn’t something I’ll do unless I’m already dead. And I swear to hell and back, I won’t go down easy. “You and I are not the same as me and Tommy.” I lean back and cup his face. “It’s not even a little bit the same. He’s just someone I used to know. I loved him,” I admit, my voice crackling on the words, “I really did. But it’s not the same kind of love a mom has for her child. Tommy was my past, but baby, you’re my universe. You’re my everything.”

“You left Grandma Bitsy, too. And Colin.” Too fucking smart. Too perceptive for his own good, he searches my eyes. “You leave people. So maybe you’ll leave me, too.”

“I leave situations that are no longer good for me. I left Plainview because I had to, honey. For the sake of my life and sanity, and for yours, I had no choice. I couldn’t take Tommy with me. And Colin is just…”Godddddd, how do I explain this to him? I can’t.“Colin is in love with Tasha. I don’t consider that leaving. He wanted a chance at happiness with her, so we gave him the space he needed for that happiness to grow.”

“What if I become a situation you don’t want anymore?” His little heart pounds visibly in his throat. “I can be a lot, right? And I’m not normal like the other kids. I don’t sleep in my own room, and I’m always asking questions. I can’t sleep at night unless you’re holding my hand, eventhough I’ll be ten soon. Plus, I went outside just before without telling you, and I made you have an argument with Grandma and Tommy. If I didn’t go outside, none of that would have happened.”

“You’re not asituation.” I drag my hands away from his face, over his shoulders, and down to his lap until I can twine my fingers with his. “And you didn’tmakeme argue with anyone. You have a right to be in your own yard, honey. My reaction to that is not a burden for you to carry. My temper is not your problem, and those fights were bound to happen anyway. That’s not your fault.”

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