Page 78 of Tell Me You Love Me

That same love exists. Within me and, sadly, within him, too. But it really shouldn’t. It can’t.

Coveting Tommy Watkins’ heart is the wrong thing for me to do.

“We have five minutes.” The moment the door closes, and Franky and Chris move through the kitchen to sort dirty dessert dishes, Tommy snatches my hand and tugs me from my seat.

A yelp of surprise bursts from my throat, echoing on the night air and lingering back where we began. But he pulls me along, catching me when I stumble and dragging me down the porch steps until we’re on the grass.

“Tommy!”

He slingshots me forward, tearing me around the side of his house, then pins me to the wall, crushing my chest beneath his and stealing my breath when he selfishly sucks it into his lungs.

“Tommy—”

“I need my five minutes, Lana.” His hands roam my body. My thighs. My hips. He nibbles on my lips and crumbles the willpower I’ve been building all night. “Fuck, is this how drug addicts feel? When you just want something so bad, your mouth waters, and your hands shake. When you can’t think about anything else. Can’t focus on what everyone else is doing or saying.

“We need to stop.”

“Four minutes,” he groans, “and your kid is taking you away from me. He set a timer. An actual fucking timer, like he knows I’d take a mile if he gave even an inch.”

I drop my head back, exposing my neck and frantically working to refill my lungs.

“You’re a really good mom, Lana.” He shatters me with his words, so simply put, and pulls back just far enough to search my eyes.Addiction? He fights it easily and smiles when my vision turns blurry. “I know it’s a whole thing, and I know his existence is…” He hesitates. “Messy. I understand.”

“Tommy—”

“I want you to know that just because I wish you never left doesn’t mean I wish he didn’t exist.” Gently, so very carefully, he brushes the hair off my cheek and tucks it behind my ear. “He’s an amazing little boy. He’s special, Lana, and he’s half of you. So, if going back and keeping you means he doesn’t get to be here anymore, then I’ll stop wishing for that. I’ll stop being mad that you left. I’ll stop holding anger. Because I wouldn’t trade him.”

My heart pounds, a painful staccato bruising my chest and leaving tears in my eyes. “You wouldn’t?”

“He doesn’thaveyour heart, Lana. Heisyour heart.” He leans in and nibbles on my bottom lip. “And I think we can both agree I’ve been in love with your heart since the start.”

My jaw trembles as ten years of pain threatens to spill over.

“I’m not sure he’ll love me back.” Chuckling, he slides a thumb beneath my eye and collects a fallen tear. “I’m not even sure he likes me. But I’m not gonna live in the past anymore. I’m not gonna demand answers or hold that anger or wish I could wrap you up ten years ago and change your plans.”

“Tommy—”

“Because thingshadto go the way they did. For you to be as whole and beautiful and perfect as you are today, those things had to happen. But please, Lana,” he cups my cheeks and drags me to the tips of my toes, “pleaselet me be a part of your future.”

I lose my battle against pain and choke out a sob I wish desperately I could keep inside.

“I’m not asking to take Colin’s place. I won’t talk shit about him, even if I think he’s a cocksucker who probably can’t fight.”

I laugh and cry, tears streaming onto my cheeks and pooling where his hands touch my skin.

“Can he fight?”

“No.” I step forward, pressing my face to his chest andwrapping my arms around his back. “And I forbid you from eventhinkingabout what you’re thinking about.”

He chuckles. “You can’t read my mind.”

“Yes.” I lean back and search his eyes. “I can.”

“We were always supposed to be together. Don’t you get it? Love and War.Weare love and war, and you know damn well we’d fight to the death to save those we love. L and W. Lana and Watkins. You didn’t change your name when you married because you knew if you weren’t a Page, you were a Watkins. You left, Alana, but you came back to me.”

I take his wrists in my hands, my breath coming out on a shuddering exhale. Because even if hesayshe accepts the past, it doesn’t mean he actually does.

He couldn’t.

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