Page 94 of Tell Me You Love Me

“Oh my goodness,” Tanya presses a hand to her lips. “And this story is based on real events? I-it’s a true story?”

“Tommy?”

Rage is like a drug slicing through my veins and sharpening my vision. It’s like waves in my ears, and still, I hear every scrape of a grasshopper’s legs outside. It’s slowing time but speeding my actions. It’s like an elastic band,pulling, pulling, pullingat my sanity as I bring my eyes back to Alana’s and the tears that trickle onto her cheeks.

And then it snaps.

“Stay here.”

“Tommy! No!” She grabs my arm, only to cry out when I shake her free and stalk across to the door. “Tommy!”

I stop in front of Ollie. “You keep her here. No matter fucking what, you don’t let her leave.”

“Tommy!” She sprints across the living room, slamming through the door after me and grabbing my belt just like she did at the cemetery. But there is no walking away anymore. There will be no discussion.

There’s just me and my father. And soon, there will be one less Watkins in the world.

“Tommy!”

I exit the kitchen and stomp onto the front porch, but when I’m met with curious stares and startled surprise from the kids on the lawn, I work on fixing my expression so I don’t scare the shit out of them.

“Don’t go,” Alana sobs, pulling me around and cupping my face in her palms. “Please.Thisis why I didn’t tell you. This is what I was afraid of happening.”

“He. Raped. You.” Voice low, heart pounding, I wrap my hands around her wrists and feel her pulse under my fingertips. “He’s the reason for all of this? He’s why I’ve wondered—shamefully—for weeks—but never had the guts to ask if you slept with my brother?”

Fat, fresh tears dribble onto her cheeks.

“They’re practically the same person, Lana. Their quirks. Their personalities. The way they eat and think and act. I’m so sorry.” I groan, my breath pushing her hair back. “I thought the most horrible things about you, but I was always too much of a coward to ask. I was terrified of the answers, and still, I wanted to be with you so fucking badly I vowed I’d never press. Better to live in oblivion than face the reality that you might have loved him more than you loved me.”

“Tommy—”

“I was so focused on me and my pain when, all along, it should have been about you. I should have been supportingyou. Protectingyou.” Tears burn my eyes, stinging until the ache travels to my throat. “I blamed you for ruining my life, when all you’veeverdone is comfort me when I hurt. You shielded me from the very fucking monster that violated you.”

“Tommy, please?—”

“I blamed you for ruining my life! How dare I, Alana? How could I?”

“You didn’t know,” she whimpers. “I didn’t tell you. I didn’twantto tell you.”

“You left to protect me. To heal and to raise your son away from the town that only ever caused you pain. You stood right in front of me, Lana, toe-to-toe, staring into my eyes while I was absolutely fucking cruel, and no matter how horrible I was, you wished only for my healing and happiness.You sacrificed yourself to save me.” I swallow the aching lump in my throat. “I failed you.”

“No, I?—”

“I won’t kill him.” I draw her to her toes and press my lips against hers. It’s something I’ve been doing all my life, gleefully, without remorse, and so often, without consent. But I do it gentler now. Slower.

Because Watkins blood courses through my veins, and the risk that she may put me and him in the same basket is enough to make me sick to my stomach.

“I won’t. Because that’s the outcome you sacrificed yourself for.” Carefully, I lower her back to flat feet and peel my fingers from her fiery skin. I look her up and down to make sure she’s steady, then I take a concentrated step back, forcing my lips into a smile and trying, so fucking hard, to bring her comfort in a shitty world. “I won’t go to prison, Lana. Not for him. I won’t make your sacrifice for nothing.”

Chris stalks through the door at her back, stomping onto the porch in silence. His eyes burn with a rage I feel in my blood. His jaw clenches with the same tight grip I feel in mine.

He doesn’t stop to talk. He doesn’t even slow to look into Alana’s drenched eyes.

He merely nods and keeps going, down the porch steps and onto the grass. Toward my truck because he’s riding with me today.

“Tommy, please…” Alana cries.

I cup her cheek and press my thumb to her deep dimple. “I’m coming home to you, and then we’re gonna discuss the marriage thing you were talking about.”

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