Page 88 of Bourbon and Lies

“I know,” I exhale. His arms stay around me tight as I hold on to him, burying my face in his neck, and running my lips from his, down his neck, and along his shoulder.

“You feel so good, so perfect.” When he moans against my neck, he leans back enough to find my lips. His kiss can barely finish as his mouth opens, holding me tighter against him, grinding into me so deep, brushing that spot within me that has me trembling. “I’m going to come, baby.”

I hold him tighter, not letting him move back and chasing my own orgasm. “Come.”

He tips his head back to make sure he understands the demand.

So I make it clear. I want him to own every part of me. “With me.”

He tilts his hips just right so that he grinds against my clit, and that’s all I need. The last moment before I fall completely, he says, “If you want me to pull out, baby, you have to tell me now.”

I shake my head no as I let him fuck me faster.

“Oh fuck, come now,” I moan, just before I’m screaming.

His hand wraps around my hair and he holds me flush to him, and he releases a groan from deep in his chest. The sound of his pleasure is the final piece that makes my vision blur. My whole body tenses and clenches and starts to pulsate just as he spills into me. It’s a succession of heavy breathing and sweat. Filth and heat. Lust and a love that feels like it radiates throughout my entire body. Across every inch of real estate on my skin.

When he falls to the side, collapsing onto the mattress, he takes me with him. We’re a tangle of legs and covers as we hold each other and come down from everything we just shared.

Minutes tick by before either of us move. And I can feel him dripping out of me.

I turn my head to look at him. His eyes are closed and a small smile rests on his lips. I study his profile from the square jawline to the prominent slope of his nose. Separately, they would be severe and intimidating, but with his eyes and the way his lips meet the hair of his scruff, he’s beautiful.

“You’re looking at me and fucking me like it’s goodbye.”

How can he know me so well? “I’m telling you I love you too?—”

His eyes open and he smiles big and wide, but the smile falters when he sees the tears brimming in my eyes and the way I can’t smile at what I’m about to say to him. “But?”

“But I don’t know if I can stay, cowboy. I can’t put anyone in your family in any kind of danger. I can’t risk you—” I swallow the cry that wants to come out with that confession.

He leans up, cupping my face. “Then marry me.”

“What?” I search his eyes, because I didn’t expect those words to come out of his mouth.

“Marry me. If you need to leave, they’ll allow me to come with you if we’re married.”

I can’t hide the smile and nervous laugh it pulls out of me. “That’s crazy. Grant. We’ve just started...” My eyebrows pinch closer as I think about what he’s really saying. Without even knowing the details, this man is suggesting we get married. “Do you even want to be married?”

“To you? Yes.” He says it so confidently, like this isn’t a rushed decision or that it’s been barely any time since I’ve even known him.

“But your life is here. Your family. We’ve only known each other for?—”

He tips my chin up to look at him, halting my words. “My family will always be my family. No matter where I am, I love them and they love me. But you’re wrong about my life, honey. I’ve been treading water. Wasting time trying to keep people away. But I’ve only just started living again.” He wipes the tear that’s fallen down the side of my nose. “This woman who has no filter and calls me cowboy is the person I want to do life with. I don’t need more time to tell me something I already know.”

With a fluttering belly, I sit up and watch as his eyes dance between mine, searching for what I’m thinking. For what I’m going to say.

He takes a deep breath as he pushes my hair away from my shoulder. “It started with Griz’s mom. Then it happened to his first wife, and then again with my nana.” He clears his throat. “Then my parents.” He runs his fingers along the top of my hand.“Fiasco loves saying shit behind people's backs without thinking about how it hurts. We’ve been hearing it since we were kids: ‘The Foxx boys are cursed.’ And I never put much weight on it until I lost Fiona. And then when Lincoln lost Olivia.”

I can see and feel how much this has gutted and haunted him. It’s beyond comprehension how he lost so many people he loved. And then to think it’s somehow his fault? I wrap my fingers around his.

“I had known Fiona since we were kids. We went through school, and eventually, the academy together. I was a year ahead of her, but she was eager to fill Del’s shoes.”

“Is Del her dad?”

He nods. “And my best friend once I started working for the Fiasco PD. Things between Fi and me, it wasn’t some long-time crush. It started as friends with benefits. Getting drunk and hooking up. And somewhere along the way, I fell for her.” He smiles. “She didn’t want to tell anyone about us. I did, but I knew things for her were harder. She was one of six women in the department. And she was respected; Del made sure of that.” He clears his throat. “Del was my superior officer, and it felt like I was lying to him.”

As he rubs at the back of his neck, I can tell how hard this is for him, and it makes me wonder if he’s ever said any of this out loud.

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