Page 89 of Bourbon and Lies

“The morning I told her I loved her was the same night that she went on a call and”—he clears his throat again—“it wasn’t good intel, but she went. The second I heard dispatch, I knew something didn’t feel right. I had this gut feeling; told her to stand down. And I couldn’t get there.” His eyes water, and I watch as he battles with letting them fall as he tells me. “I couldn’t get there fast enough to back her up.” He holds my hand tighter. “After that, I couldn’t do the job anymore. I had failed her and going there every day reminded me that when someonereally needed my help, someone I loved, I didn’t get there in time.” He covers his eyes with his free hand, but as soon as he does, I move in and wrap my arms around him. My heart breaks for him and this guilt he carries.

Tilting his head down, his forehead rests on my shoulder. “And a year later, Liv left us. I put my grief aside to be there for Linc and my nieces, but I didn’t want to feel anything after that. I don’t think I felt anything for years. I worked, worked out my shit on the heavy bag, and made my bourbon. That was it.”

I lean back so he’ll look at me. I need him to see me when I tell him this. When his eyes meet mine, I wipe at the stray tear that reaches his lips. “I. Am. Lucky.”

He searches my eyes for a beat.

“Ask me why I’m lucky, cowboy.” I smile, and my whole body warms at the look in his eyes.

A small smile touches the corner of his lips. “Why are you lucky, baby?”

“Because you love me.”

His eyes pinch closed and his nose scrunches as he hears me say it.

“Because I get to love you. And I get to marry you.”

His hands frame my face as his eyes dance with mine. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I nod frantically, a tear trailing down my cheek.

My hands cover his, that frame my face. When his lips find mine, it feels like more than just kissing the man I love. It feels like coming home. This complex and caring man who hid behind so much loss in fear of it being the only option for him.

I tip my head back, thinking about something he’d said that I hadn’t put together until right now. “What do you mean,made your bourbon?”

Chapter 39

Grant

“I really feellike I could have ridden my own horse,” she says as she leans in, her back to my front. And fuck, does it feel good to have her this close. I wanted to take her out here when she asked last night about my bourbon, but I had a plan. And we needed daylight.

“You could have, but I like you here.” I nuzzle into her neck.

“This is where you go so early in the mornings?” I look around at the open landscape and listen to the way the buzzing of cicadas keeps the low hum of the morning as Tawney snorts at the bluegrass pollen that’s been kicked up from the heavier winds from the past few days.

“Not every day, but at least once every week or two, I come out this far.”

Before she sees it, she can hear it. “What’s that?—?”

When we crest the small hill we’ve been climbing, her breath catches. And I felt the same the first time I came out here with Griz. This is by far my favorite place in Fiasco. Beyond thedistillery or the stables. This place feels big and important. It always has.

Cascading water rushes and tumbles thirty feet down its ledge, splashing across rocks and a deep pool at its end. The falls are more than a hundred feet wide, making the simplest thing, water, appear like an animated curtain of white haze and fine mist.

It’s not as intense this time of year, with not as much rainfall or snow to keep the river moving, but it still roars. And it’s a helluva sight.

Julep comes barking up behind us. She ran off chasing a rabbit a few miles back, which tends to be her favorite game whenever we’re out here. I’ve only had to search for her once, when she found a burrow of bunnies and wouldn’t leave. And just like those damn rabbits, she found something she loves in Laney too. My dog knew, even before I realized. I let out a short whistle. “Jules. Keep up, girl.” There was no way she was staying behind with both of us heading out so early. And I want her with us for this anyway.

The sound of Laney laughing as Jules shoots by has me smiling back.

“This is a good look on you.”

I tilt my head back to look at her turn over her shoulder. “Whatever it is you’re about to show me, you’re excited about it.”

“Damn right, I am.” I lean one leg down and hoist it over Tawney’s backside, hitting the tall grass. I hadn’t planned to ask her to marry me last night. I had planned on doing it here. Showing her a part of me, and then asking if she’d like to skip to the good part. Start our life now, no matter where it ends up. Whether or not we could stay or had to leave. When I made the decision that I wanted forever with her, I needed to know she’d want the same.

I reach up and offer my hand, but she’s stubborn and kicks her leg over, holding on to the pommel and letting out a yelp as her feet hit the ground. She raises her hands up like she just landed a trick in gymnastics.

“Graceful.”

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