Page 103 of Ruin Me Gently

I scanned the recesses of my mind, digging for something, some little piece of myself I could toss out like a playing card. But nothing was fun. It was just a series of bad memories dressed as milestones. I swallowed hard, forcing all the flashing images down, locking them away as deep as I could.

Think.Something good from the last few years. Something… good.

No—before that. There had to be something before that, right?

My fingers absently trailed against his stomach, his warmth grounding me, keeping me here as my mind nudged at something slightly out of my reach.

A blur of time, foggy and shapeless, pressing against the edges of my brain.

Dig deeper.

For a second, there was nothing but static.

Then a flash of colour, the smell of sunblock, the hum of cicadas.

Not just a memory—a whole summer.

My fingers stilled as my mind cracked open, barely enough to let the past creep through.

It had been one of the only good summers I’d ever had.

Evelyn and Wayne had gone away, left me completely alone for a whole month. I was twelve, and it should’ve been terrifying, but it had beenfreedom. No yelling, no over-the-top rules, no stepping on eggshells around Wayne’s temper. Just me, the whole house to myself, and Leah, a girl from my science class.

We spent the days down by the lake, eating popsicles until our tongues turned blue, making up elaborate lies to tell people for no reason other than the thrill of it. For once in my life, I hadn’t felt alone.

Funny how my brain had a constant, relentless need to remind me of all the shit. But this? This little pocket of happiness? It had been shoved somewhere deep, gathering dust like an old book on a forgotten shelf. Like my mind hadn’t deemed it important enough to keep within reach.

That stung, more than I wanted to admit.

I swallowed and cleared my throat, shifting slightly. “Alright, here’s one. When I was twelve, me and a girl from my class tried to build a raft and sail it across the lake near her house.”

He made a noise, somewhere between amused and curious. “And?”

“We got maybe ten feet in before it completely fell apart, and we both sank like bricks. Her dad had to fish us out while we screamed about dying like pirates.”

His chest rumbled slightly beneath me. “Surprised you didn’t get banned from the lake after that,” he said.

“Oh, we absolutely did. Lifetime ban.”

“Impressive.”

“Thank you.”

He huffed a laugh, his fingers on my arm drifting up until they traced the bridge of my nose, and he pressed a fabric veiled kiss to the top of my head.

“Get some sleep,” he murmured.

I hummed, eyes already growing heavier, body sinking deeper into the warmth between us. “I will.”

The weight of exhaustion pulled at me, but I didn’t let it take me just yet. I sat with it. With the silence of him, the warmth of him beside me. My mind was circling, still trying to make sense of every single thing that had happened.

“I’m glad you didn’t really leave.” The words felt bigger than they should have, heavier, even as I murmured them into the quiet.

“So am I.”

Something in my chest unravelled ever so slightly.

“Goodnight, Lilith.”

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