Page 149 of Ruin Me Gently

My jaw clamped shut.

“You think you’re cursed or some shit? That people get hurt because they’re in your orbit? That’s what this is?”

Yes.

That’s exactly what I thought. Because that’s exactly what happened. I’d convinced myself for five fucking minutes, that maybe, justmaybe,it wouldn’t happen. That I could let her in without it ending in disaster. And then the universe shot me a big ‘fuck you,’and proved just how wrong I was.

I nodded once.

“That’s bullshit,” he snapped. “What happened? That’snotbecause of you. It’s because there are terrible people out there who make choices. Really fuckingstupidchoices. But they aretheirchoices, not yours.”

“But it wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t—”

“I said shut your fucking mouth!” he snapped, slamming his palm against the counter. “I’m not done!”

I flinched, breath hitching, but I didn’t look away.

“I know how much the shit with Katie wrecked you,” he said. “I know how deep that pain went. How deep itgoes. But you’re twisting it in your head, and it’s controlled your whole life for too long.”

Tears burned hot behind my eyes.

His voice softened. “Look at me.”

I did.

“Not everyone who loves you gets hurt, dude,” he said, slower now, like he was forcing me to absorb every single word. “Your mom. Your sisters. Your nieces and nephews. Me. My family. We love you. Has anything happened to us? Are we broken? Dead? Gone because of you?”

He held my gaze, then after a beat, he nodded. “Oh. You can speak now.”

I swallowed hard. “That’s different.”

“No. It’s really not,” he said. “I don’t know why you think these things are your fault. I really don’t.”

“If I wasn’t in her life—”

“What about if you hadn’t been?” His voice cracked. “If you weren’t in her life, she’d have been alone. No backup. No one to pull her out. She might not have made it home that night. You did that.Yousaved her. She’s alive because of you.”

“But she’s not okay.”

“No,” he admitted. “But she’s healing.”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Fuck, dude,” He exhaled hard. “Why do you always do this? You’re not the bad guy. You didn’t put her in that alley. You didn’t lay a hand on her. You’re acting like it’s some kind of cosmic punishment. But this wasn’t destiny, or fate, or a curse, or whatever bullshit you’re spinning in your head. This was one man’s choice. An awful, disgusting choice. But it washis.Not yours.”

“But I let her get too close,” I said, barely audible.

“Let her get too close?” He shook his head. “Silas, do you think you’re supposed to keep people at arm’s length forever? You think you can love people from a distance, and that’ll be fine?”

I couldn’t look at him.

“Silas. I love you, man. So damn much.”

I stared at the floor, jaw tight.

“When I was at my lowest, youmademe keep fighting. You dragged me out of some serious shit and didn’t let me drown in it. Because that’s what you do. And you did it for her too. And you can sit here, telling yourself you’re poison or bad luck. But none of that changes the truth. You saved her.”

His stare burned into me. “Tell me it’s not your fault.”

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