Page 171 of Ruin Me Gently

“You’re picturing a Brawny paper towel commercial, not reality.”

“I’m picturing you in a flannel with an axe over your shoulder. Maybe a little dirt smudged across your jaw. You’d make one hell of a hot lumberjack.”

A laugh caught in my throat as I shook my head. “I’m not even dignifying that with a response.”

I grabbed a piece of toast, using it as an excuse not to look at the glittering little grin she had plastered on her face.

“I’m from Maine,” she said, tearing off a piece from a croissant.

My muscles seized.

Her eyes flicked up and she sighed. “You already knew that, didn’t you?”

I pressed my lips together, shame flickering at the edges. Then I nodded.

“What don’t you know about me?”

“A lot, I’d imagine.” I leaned back slightly, watching her carefully.

“Hm,” she drummed her nails against the counter. “Ask me something, then. What do you want to know?”

I didn’t even have to think about it. “You fell off the grid for over ten years. Where did you go? What happened?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “I didn’tgoanywhere. I just wasn’t… out there. Kept to myself.”

I stayed quiet, giving her the space to continue.

“Some… stuff happened.” She shrugged. “I stayed in hostels. Some shelters. Spent a while figuring shit out. Got a few shitty jobs. Lived in apartments where you had to sleep with one eye open and keep a kitchen knife under your pillow.” She waved a hand dismissively. “You know. The usual.”

The usual.

There was nothingusualabout any of that. Heat slithered up my spine, slow and smouldering. How the fuck hadn’t I known this? I felt like an idiot.

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a—” I exhaled sharply, shaking my head. “Lilith, you just casually told me you were homeless. That you had to sleep with a weapon just to feel safe. And you’re acting like you had a bad roommate experience.”

She shrugged. “I mean, itwasa bad roommate experience. Except the roommate was life, and life is a big old bitch.”

My lips parted. What was I supposed to say to that?

I ran a hand over my jaw, a sharp laugh pushing its way through my teeth. Not because it was funny, but because I didn’t know how else to react.

“I’m serious,” she said, nudging my thigh with her knee. “It’s fine. It’s just what happened. I got through it.”

I turned to face her fully, leaning an elbow on the counter, scanning every inch of her face. “How?”

“How what?”

“How did you get through it?”

Silence.

“Trial and error, mostly,” she sighed, stretching her arms over her head, hissing a little at the movement.

My gaze flicked to the bruises along the visible parts of her body. They were healing, but not at the speed I wanted.

“I could really do with some fresh air,” she said, cutting the conversation short.

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