Page 251 of Ruin Me Gently

“I’m keeping you safe,” I swallowed hard. “‘Please. Just—let me get you warm.”

“No. You’reshutting me out,” she continued, her hands curled into fists, chest rising and falling hard. “I’ve barely seen you for weeks. You don’t speak to me. And the one time you do acknowledge me, it’s because you’re snapping at me!”

“I’ve been here. Been working from home like I said I would. And I really didn’t mean to snap, I’m so sorry, I’m so—”

“It hasn’t made a fucking difference, Silas!” she cut me off, frustration pouring out of her. “You’re still not here. You’re still locked in your damn office all day, and when you do come out, you barely look at me. I get better conversations out of Katniss, and I swear to God your peace lily actually spoke to me the other day!”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

My ribs tightened, coiling like barbed wire, puncturing my lungs.

“You do not get to rope me in and then cut me down like I don’t exist,” she said.

“I didn’t mean to, sweetheart. I just can’t have him out there,” I said, my voice thick, barely steady. “Living and breathing and walking around every single day after what he did to you.”

She was breathing harder now, her face pale under the storm in her eyes.

“I understand that. I do.” Her voice wasn’t soft. It wasn’t cruel, either. “But he’s nothing. He took so much from me,” she choked out. “And now, because of him, I’m losing you too.”

My stomach turned. It was happening. The room was too small. My skin burned. My hands tingled.

Keep your voice steady. Keep your hands still. Keep her calm.

“Lilith I’m keeping you safe. I’m doing everything I can.”

“Stop fucking saying that!” Her voice cracked like a whip, sharp and furious, ricocheting through the space between us. Her whole body vibrated with it. Furious. Done.

My heart slammed into my throat. I focused on my hands. Fingers twitching, jaw clenched so tight the ache pushed into my skull.

“This whole thing is bullshit! I’m so sick of this ‘I want to keep you safe’thing. It’s stupid!”

I couldn’t breathe. Why the fuck couldn’t I breathe?

No. No. No.

The pressure swelled, rising fast. My pulse slammed into my ears, in my throat, in my fucking teeth. I was slipping.

“I want to go home.”

No. Please. No.

“Lilith, please. Youarehome.” My hands were shaking so damn violently.

“No. I’m not. I want my house. I want my life back.”

“Thisisyour life, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m here. You belong here.”

“The fuck I do,” she snapped. “You may as well have that damn scarf on again because I don’t recognise you anymore and I’m sure as shit not happy. I don’t want a life like that.”

The panic hit hard, brutal, suffocating. My fingers dug into my pants, trying to find something—anything—to ground myself, to hold onto before this moment ripped me apart completely.

“It’s my fault he attacked you!” The words tore out of me, hoarse and jagged, my chest caving in around them.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

I cracked.

“One person.” The air caught in my throat, fingers fisting my hair, shaking. “Just one. And it didn’t fucking matter. It didn’t matter that I had no control. She got hurt, and everyone looked at me like—”

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