Page 260 of Ruin Me Gently

Her lips parted on a small fragile breath. “Silas… It’s not…”

No. No.

I shook my head. “Don’t.”

Her brows knit together, lips trembling, but I couldn’t let her say it. I didn’t deserve whatever she was about to tell me.

“Please. Don’t say it wasn’t my fault. Don’t tell me I don’t have to carry this. Because I do. I fucking do.”

She reached for me, but I jerked back, shaking my head so hard it made me dizzy. I didn’t deserve to touch her.

“I should’ve—”

“No.” Her voice was firm. “You weren’t responsible for what happened. It’s not your weight to carry.”

My hands shook so fiercely I curled them into fists, trying to force them still.

“I just—” I sucked in a sharp lungful of oxygen. “She was coming to see me. If she hadn’t been—if I had just—” the words caught in my throat like glass.

If I’d just answered. If I’d just given a shit instead of brushing her off. If I’d just cared enough to pick up the damn phone. Instead, I ignored her. Left her out there alone.

And now, she’s dead.

My fault. My fault. My fault.

“And I hurt you too.” I rasped. “I thought I was protecting you. But I hurt you. Just like I hurt her.”

I was spiralling, falling too fast, too hard. My ribs were caving in.

“Lilith,” my voice splintered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Silas. Look at me.”

I couldn’t.

“Silas.”

The words kept coming, tumbling out in a broken, desperate mess. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear to God, Lilith. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. My chest was splitting open.

“I just wanted to keep you safe. I thought—I thought I was protecting you.”

But all I’d done was hurt her.

Just like I’d hurt Katie.

“I never wanted to—” The words kept falling from my lips, slipping out like a prayer to a god who wouldn’t fucking listen. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t enough. Would never be enough. But I couldn’t stop saying it.

“Silas.” Her voice cracked through the static. “Listen to me. Right now.”

I shook my head, pulse slamming hard against my skull. “If you love me. You get hurt. If you love me—”

She was still crying. Silent, steady tears slipping down her cheeks.

I’d done that.

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