Page 261 of Ruin Me Gently

I wanted to kiss them away, to make it all go away.

My hands trembled against my thighs. “I fucked everything up.”

“No. Stop, Silas.”

“I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But I did. I ruined everything. It was my fault Clark got to you. Everything was my fault. And now—” I shook my head. “I can help you pack. You can run for the hills, Lilith. I won’t stop you. I won’t follow you. I swear it. I promise.”

“No.” Her voice snapped, loud as she reached for my hands. “You’re not doing this. You’re going to listen to me. Right now. You arenotdoing this.”

I tried to pull back, but she held firm, her fingers threading through mine.

“Silas.” Her voice cracked, but she didn’t let go. “I didn’t fucking love you when it happened.”

The words slammed into me.

“Shit. We were in a lust-fuelled haze. And I’m sorry if that hurts, but it’s the truth.”

It was a knifebetween the ribs. Sharp. Searing.

“So, no. It wasn’t your love that hurt me. It wasn’t you. It washistwisted idea of love. It washim.” The words fractured the air between us. “I’m so damn sorry. I know you meant well with everything you did—with everything that you still do. But you have no damn clue what it was like before you even knew I existed.”

Pressure crawled up my throat. I didn’t know. I thought I did. But I didn’t.

“You think the gala was a one-time thing?” A rough, humourless laugh ripped out of her. “I was bruised, Silas. I was beaten down, drained, barely breathing for months before you ever saw me. I was scared to exist in his orbit. But I kept thinking it would change—if I could—”

She cut herself off, exhaling hard, like she could push it out of her brain.

“You think it was you who hurt me?” She shook her head. “You were only there for two minutes of it. If that. You weren’t even a thought in my universe when it started. Shit, you weren’t even a thought in my universe when itended. If it wasn’t for you—” her voice broke apart, but she didn’t stop. “I could be my mother, stuck in a cycle of hurt and abuse. Shit. I could be dead right now. I could be six feet under. A bruised, bloodied corpse. But I’m not.”

She sucked in a sharp, trembling breath, and a choked sob tore from her throat. Raw. Gutting.

Lilith. Didn’t. Fucking. Cry.

It broke me. I tried to hold it back, tried to keep it together, but the sight of her shattered, breaking, still standing in the middle of the wreckage—it ruined me. My chest caved, tears burning hot behind my eyes, slipping free before I could stop them.

“I’m not, because you helped,” she choked out, wiping at her face, fingers trembling.

“Lilith—”

“No.” She swiped at her cheeks again, trying to pull herself back together, trying to make me hear her. “You really think he wouldn’t have found me one way or another? That if you weren’t around, he’d have just… stopped? No. He would’ve found me. He would’ve gotten to me, Silas. And I would’ve been alone.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears to stop.

“You didn’t hurt me. You saved me. You are a good man, Silas Graves.”

The words hit me like a blow to the gut.

“You can sit here and tell me otherwise. You can keep punishing yourself for things that weren’t your choice, but it doesn’t change the fact that people getting hurt, isn’t your fault. You looked out for me when you didn’t even know me. You didn’t have to. But you did. You brought me here. You looked after me.”

I sucked in a sharp breath, like I could swallow it down, like I could save myself from being crushed. Another tear slipped down my cheek and Lilith—my Lilith—lifted a hand, catching it before it could fall.

“You’re a good person, Silas. You’ve torn yourself apart just to help me. Yes, it hurt how you did it. But you are everything. You were the man in the shadows. The one that made me breakfast, delivered it to my doorstep in silence, and gave me damn literary quotes before I even knew you existed.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she wasn’t done.

“You were the creep in the street who saved me from being hit by a damn bike. You were the one who tracked me down in the night to make sure I was okay. You are the one who pulled me from that alley and cared for me. You are the man that holds me tight when I sleep. You are the one that bandages my stupid wounds, inside and out. You are the one who makes sure I’m okay, whenever you can. You are the man who just spilled his heart out to me and has no idea how much I appreciate that. How honoured I feel that he’s let me in.”

Her lips met my forehead, warm and slow, and my heart fractured.

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