Page 262 of Ruin Me Gently

When she pulled back, her gaze levelled with mine. “What happened to me—to Katie. That’s not on you. Please, please, believe me.”

Her fingers tightened around mine, nails digging in deep, grounding me, keeping me from spiralling into the abyss that had been clawing at my heels for years.

“Do you forgive me?” My voice cracked, shame coiling low in my stomach.

“For what?”

“For… for everything.”

“No.” Her answer came fast. “Because there’s nothing to forgive you for. Please… just stop.”

I tried to pull my hand free, to turn away, to let the weight of her words slide right off me, because they didn’t belong to me. But she wouldn’t let go.

“You don’t get it,” she said, her voice cracking along the words. “You don’t get what you’ve done for me.”

I froze.

“You’ve given me something I never thought I’d have. Safety. I didn’t think I was capable of this,” she gestured to her chest. “Of feeling this… of wanting this.”

Her fingers curled tighter, her knuckles going white. “But you… you’ve made me feel more alive than I have in my entire life. And I—” Her voice broke completely, and for a second, she just stared at me, eyes wide and unflinching. “I need you to know that. Even if you never believe me… I need you to know.”

I dragged her against me, wrapping my arms around her so tight it felt like I was holding my own ribs together. I buried my face in her hair, breathing her in, grounding myself in the way she felt, the way she smelled, the way her fingers dug into my back like she was just as terrified of letting go as I was.

“I don’t know how to stop,” I murmured, voice cracking. “I don’t know how to stop hunting for him.” I squeezed my eyes shut like that might somehow stop the panic from bubbling up my throat. “He hurt you.” My fingers flexed against her back. “Sei l’amore della mia vita.” The words came out rough, tangled with something too big to swallow. “I don’t know how to calm down.”

She pulled back just enough to look at me, her eyes wide and glassy. “We take it one step at a time,” she said softly. “Okay? But you have to let me in.”

Her fingers brushed up the back of my neck, finding the hair at my nape, grounding me. “No more locked office doors. No more shutting me out and disappearing into your own head.” Her voice caught, but she kept going. “You don’t have to do this alone. I won’t let you.”

I let out a shaky breath, the weight of it dragging my shoulders down. “I’m scared,” I admitted. “I’m fucking terrified.”

“I know. Me too.” She cupped my face, fingers cool against the heat of my skin. “But we’re not doing this apart. Whatever happens… it’s you and me, okay? You just have to trust me enough to let me help.”

“I don’t know how to let go,” I whispered.

“You don’t have to,” she said firmly. “Not yet. Not until you’re ready. But I need you to stop pretending you can carry all this weight by yourself.” Her hand slid down, over my chest, splaying over my heart. “So whatever happens next? You let me carry some of it too.”

“Okay,” I said hoarsely. “Okay.”

CHAPTER FIFTY NINE

The scent of butterand warm batter filled the kitchenas I flipped a pancake, watching the edges crisp before sliding it onto the growing stack beside me. For once, I was the one making breakfast.

It felt like the least I could do for a man who had been on his knees, baring his soul to me. And somehow, it didn’t feel like some weird grand gesture. It just felt… right. Like this wasn’t just some temporary thing. Like I actually belonged here.

I thought back to the way his voice had cracked, breaking apart like something sharp had lodged itself in his throat. To the way he couldn’t even look at me when he told me about Katie. How he’d told meeverything. The guilt, the weight he’d been dragging around for years. How he’d convinced himself it was his fault. That Clark had hurt me because of him.

It had absolutely wrecked me. Watching him shatter like that, watching the strongest man I’d ever met unravel right in front of me. Like all the strength he carried, all that quiet control, none of it had been enough to stop this thing from swallowing him whole.

I wished he’d told me sooner. Wished I could’ve carried some of that weight for him instead of watching him suffocate under it. But what right did I have to think that? I’d been sitting on my own mountain of shit for years. Swallowing down my nightmares, my panic attacks, my memories. Refusing to let anyone in.

It was hypocritical as fuck. And I hated that. But still…

He’d let me in now. He’d trusted me with that part of him. That had to mean something.

The familiar weight of his presence settled into the space before he even spoke.

“You’re up,” I said, not bothering to turn around.

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