Page 304 of Ruin Me Gently

Lifeless. Still. Hollow.

No more twitching, no more gasping. Just a body now. Just… gone.

And so was I.

Death wasn’t kind. It wasn’t poetic or clean. It didn’t come wrapped in quiet sobs or whispered goodbyes. It was ugly and bitter, and it stunk of rot and ruin.

But tonight, it smelled like something I’d never known before.

Freedom.

CHAPTER SIXTY NINE

Present Day

It was just thetwo of us now, sealed in a space heavy with so much spilled emotion.

And the sobs wouldn’t stop tearing out of me.

Ugly. Guttural. Loud sobs.

The kind that had my chest heaving and my throat raw.

I’d cried in front of him before, but never like this.

I’d never cried like this in front ofanyone.

But now? Now it was pouring out in messy, disgusting sobs that had my whole body shaking.

My arms were locked tight around his neck, fingers digging hard into his shirt. My legs clung around his waist and my face was buried into the crook of his neck.

I knew I was a mess, hot tears soaking into his skin, breath gasping, heart racing at a million miles an hour. But his heartbeat thumped steady and calm beneath my cheek.

“I don’t want you to feel like that,” I choked out. “I don’t… I don’t want you to know what that feels like.”

“I know how it feels, sweetheart,” he murmured, rubbing circles over my back. “I know. I’m sorry you’ve felt it too.”

“No,” I sobbed, shaking my head. “No, you don’tknowhow it feels.”

“Lilith—”

“You don’t. When you stand there, when you’re helpless, when you’re trying so fucking hard, but you know—youknow—you can’t do a damn thing… it’s different.”

My breath hitched, sharp and jagged, fingers twisting deeper in his shirt.

“It’s not the same as choosing not to do anything. Those two things, they’re not the same. Trust me.”

He moved, sinking onto the edge of a bed, still holding me close as his fingers curled around the base of my neck, keeping me steady.

“You don’t forget,” I whispered. “When you choose to let someone die. It stays with you. It sticks. You can’t outrun it. You can’t forget, no matter how hard you try. It just lives inside you. I don’t want you to go through that, and honestly, I don’t think I could go through that again.”

I pulled back to search his eyes. He needed to understand.

“I don’t regret leaving her,” I said quietly. “I don’t regret not saving her. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t stay. It’s still there. Still in my head, still… stuck to me.”

He shifted, hand sliding from my neck to cup my face as he brushed his thumb gently under my eye, catching the stupid tears that wouldn’t stop. He didn’t say anything, just kept wiping them away, one after the other.

“I didn’t let him live for him. I let him live for me. For us. For you. Because you deserve to be okay too.” I dragged in a shaky breath, trying to pull myself together, but I couldn’t get in enough air. “You carry so fucking much, Silas. I don’t want you carrying this too.”

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