Page 305 of Ruin Me Gently

His hand stilled against my face. His jaw was set hard, and his irises were swallowed up by his pupils.

“I know you wanted revenge,” I said. “And I’m so sorry I took that away from you.” My breath hitched, and my voice cracked right down the middle. “But I love you, and you deserve so much more than that.”

“Lilith—”

“You deserve to feel safe.” The words spilled out faster now, like I had to get them out before they swallowed me whole. “You deserve to sleep at night without waking up and hearing his voice in your head. Without seeing his face every time you close your eyes. Without feeling like you’re still there—stuck in that moment, trapped in whatever nightmare he left you with. I don’t want that for you. I won’t let that happen to you.”

He started pressing soft, barely-there kisses to my temple, my cheek, my jaw. Tiny, desperate kisses, like he was trying to catch every tear before it could fall.

“You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like I could stop running,” I said. “And I don’t want to be the reason you start. You’ve been through enough, Silas. I can’t add to that.”

He pressed his forehead to mine, breath unsteady, his thumb tracing soft circles below my ribs, like he was smoothing out the ragged edges of my panic.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made this harder for you,” I said, voice barely a whisper now. “But I know I did the right thing. I know I did.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I know, sweetheart.”

“Please don’t hate me for this. Please don’t hate me for this.”

“Lilith…”

“I couldn’t stand it,” I said, my breath stuttering. “If you looked at me like I’d taken something from you, like I’d ruined something, I couldn’t take that.”

My fingers twisted in his shirt, pulling hard like I could anchor myself to him. “I know I’m not easy,” I choked out. “I know I push too hard and too fast, but I… I can’t lose you. Not you.” My breath hitched again.

“Please tell me you’re still here,” I whispered. “Please tell me you’re mine.”

His arms tightened around me like he was trying to hold me together. “Of course I’m here,” he said. “Of course I’m yours.”

His hand slid up into my hair, fingers curling firm against my scalp. “I’ve been yours since the second I laid eyes on you at that damn gala. Since you sat there in that beautiful black dress. With your cigarette—even though you don’t smoke—and that scent… honey and incense.”

His thumb traced along my cheek, warm and steady. “You were sitting there with your mascara smudged, eyes red, still holding yourself like you were too proud to fall apart in front of anyone.”

He let out a short, breathless laugh. “I don’t know why that’s when it hit me. But it did. Right then. That’s when I knew.”

I swallowed hard, my breath stuttering. “Knew what?”

“That I was fucked,” he said simply. “That I couldn’t just walk away from you. That whatever this was—whatever you were—I wasn’t getting out of it clean. I spent half my life learning how to survive without anyone. And now, I can’t imagine surviving without you.”

My breath caught.

“I love you too, Lilith,” he said, the words breaking loose from his trembling lips. “I’ve loved you since—fuck, since before I was even allowed to.”

He cupped my face then, tilting my chin up until I couldn’t avoid his eyes. “Every last damn part of you. Even the parts you think are too messy or too broken—I love those most of all.”

He loves me too? Oh fuck… did I tell him I loved him?

“You scared me,” he muttered. “When you dove in after him. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m serious,” he said, his voice sharpening. His arms tightened again, like he still didn’t trust I was real. “I thought I was gonna lose you. And I… I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had.”

“Don’t say that,” I muttered. My voice was thin, shaky. “You wouldn’t have—”

“Don’t tell me I wouldn’t have,” he cut in, his voice rough. “Because we don’t know that. You’re the only thing holding me together, Lilith.” His breath hitched. “I don’t know what I’d be without you, and I don’t… I don’t want to know.”

My throat closed up, the ache in my chest swelling like I was about to explode.

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