Page 43 of Ruin Me Gently

He nodded too fast, too eager. “One.”

I was too tired for this. But maybe I did need a distraction. A break from my own bullshit.

“Fine.”

He lit up like a damn Christmas tree. “Hell yeah! Strip club or dive bar?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I need a shower.”

His grin didn’t waver. “That’s not an answer.”

I sighed heavily, turning toward the hallway. “I hate you.”

His laughter followed me as I walked away. “Yeah, yeah. Hurry up, grandpa. You’ll thank me later!”

The second the bathroom door shut, his laughter faded.

But the silence that followed wasn’t the relief it should’ve been.

For two whole minutes, I was fine. Finn’s bullshit had cured me, cut through the fog, ripped me out of my downward spiral.

But obviously that wasn’t meant to last. Because there she was again. Burned into the back of my eyelids. Tangled into every thought without her knowing.

The shower hummed to life beneath my fingers as I twisted the dial. Steam curled into the air, swirling around me, dampening my skin before the water even touched me.

My pulse was still too high. My thoughts? Even worse.

She was divine. What I wouldn’t do to kneel before those legs.

To press my lips against the warmth of her skin, trace every inch with my tongue, feel the tremor in her muscles as she—

No. Absolutely not.

I needed help. Professional, clinical, maybe even spiritual help. A lobotomy. An exorcism.

I yanked at the waistband of my joggers, stripping them off.

I’d messed up. Not just some minor, easily salvageable misstep.

No. I’d completely fucked up.

Utterly.

Beyond repair.

This was never supposed to happen.

Watching was fine. Keeping her safe from the shadows, making sure she was okay without her ever knowing I was there—that had been the plan. That’d been the whole point.

Stay in the background. Never get too close.

I’d convinced myself that my watching and the gifts weren’t a problem, that the crossed lines weren’t an issue, because I wasn’t really crossing them. But now?

She was wrapped around my ribs, a slow, unbearable ache that I didn’t know how to untangle.

Which is exactly why I needed to stay the hell away.

Because wanting her was one thing? But ruining her?

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