Page 117 of Duty and Desire

June 5

Gio

Nick is being torn in two, and I’m powerless to help.

I sat on the bed, where I’d been since I left Nick, my mind in a whirl.

I’d come to Eisenland for two reasons—to save Nick from making a terrible mistake, and to find out if everything we’d shared had been nothing but a dream.

I hoped the way Karoline had spoken that evening was enough to dissuade him from marrying her. If she’d been the kind of woman who would have supported him, understood him, who would have gone along with the facade of a marriage, knowing Nick would never love her the way she wanted, then maybe I would have kept silent.

But with every word she spoke, I saw into her heart—and I prayed Nick did too.

As for my second reason…

I knew now Nick still loved me, but that didn’t alter the situation.

What did I think, that he’d declare that love to his subjects? And to what end?

The thought of losing Nick, of never being able to hold him again, made my heart ache. But if Nick had to choose between love and duty, how could I possibly expect Nick to choose me?

I love him.

But would that be enough? Could I stand by him through it all, even as the world watched? The pressure, the eyes of the kingdom… they would be on Nick, but also on me, judging me, questioning my worth.

I bit my lip in frustration. I wasn’t trained to be royalty; I had no noble blood, no years of etiquette drilled into me. I had no idea what it meant to be a consort. The weight of expectation that came with that title—I could already feel it pressing down on me, and it wasn’t even a likely outcome. I’d never felt as if I belonged in a palace, never imagined that someone like Nick, someone destined for greatness, would want to stay by my side.

And if by some miracle Nick did choose me…

What if I can’t handle it? What if I fail him?

I could see why King Johannes had chosen Princess Karoline. There was someone with lineage and grace, someone who would fit perfectly beside a king, even if I didn’t like her views.

Whereas I would always be the one who didn’t belong.

I might have accomplished one of my tasks, but I already knew I was finished.

I can’t make him choose.

That left me one course of action.

I glanced at my phone. It was almost midnight, but I needed some air to clear my head.

To help me find the courage to do what I knew had to be done.

I left my room and followed the labyrinth of hallways until I found a door I recognized. I went out into the garden, the solar lamps still burning. To my surprise, light spilled from windows onthe first floor.

It seemed I wasn’t the only one awake.

Awash with curiosity, I wandered closer to the light source and peered inside. It was an office, surprisingly modern in its furniture, with a printer and filing cabinets.

Then I saw the room’s occupant.

Daniela Risch.

She sat at her desk, staring at nothing, her lips pressed together, her brows furrowed.

A woman with a lot on her mind, not that I needed to guess what occupied her thoughts.

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