Page 37 of Duty and Desire

We walked into the warm water, venturing out until it reachedmid-thigh before we launched ourselves into the shallow waves and swam for a while. I turned onto my back and floated, staring up at the canopy of blue above us, the sun’s rays warming my chest.

This was heaven.

I forgot about writing and gave myself up to the pleasurable sensations: the feel of the water on my skin, the smells of the ocean, the hum of boat engines, and the squeals of children playing on the beach.

When I headed back to the spot where Nick had laid out the towel, I saw he was already sitting on it, legs bent, arms wrapped around his knees as he gazed at the lagoon. I took one glance at his expression, and my heart went out to him.

I had no idea where his mind had taken him, but wherever it was, he didn’t like it.

I shook my head to get rid of the last drops of water, and flopped onto the towel. “That was awesome.” When Nick didn’t respond, I reached across to touch his arm. “Hey. Are you all right?”

He lay down, cradling his nape. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try not to think about certain situations. They still manage to find a crack in my armor and launch a sneak attack.”

“Can you talk about any of these situations? Would that help?” I rolled onto my side, my head propped up in my palm.

He huffed. “If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

He turned his face toward mine. “You know I said my family don’t accept me being gay?” I nodded. “What might surprise you is the lengths they’d go to, to… rectify that situation.”

Cold inched its way around my heart and icy tendrils spread out over my skin. “Please, tell me you’re not talking about conversion therapy.”

His eyes widened. “No, thank God. I don’t think even my father would go that far. No, his idea is to marry me off.”

“To a woman, of course.”

“Of course. Because it’s obvious I just haven’t met the right oneyet.” The heavy edge of sarcasm was so unlike him, even in my limited experience. “Claudia once joked about that, but she wasn’t far from the truth.”

“Are we talking about an arranged marriage?”

Nick nodded. “And my father’s been talking about it for as long as I can remember.”

“Well, you’re right. Iamsurprised. But it seems so out of touch. I mean, this is the twenty-first century.”

“Ours is a very old family. And the woman they want me to marry? She comes from an equally old family.” His face contorted. “Do you know how old I was when this was decided? I wasn’t even eleven. And I’m not alone. My brother went through exactly the same situation. He’s five years older than me, and when he was twenty-six, he married the woman my father had picked out for him when he was still a child.”

“How did that work out?”

Nick sighed. “They’re still together. They seem to be happy, but who can tell what goes on behind closed doors? I know they want children, but so far, there’s no news of that.”

“Youhavemet her, I assume? This woman your father wants you to marry?”

He nodded. “When we were teenagers. She and her parents used to visit us during the summer. I hated the way our fathers would smile at us, saying things like ‘when they are married…” The way they discussed the situation, it was a fait accompli.”

“Is that one of the reasons why you came here? To avoid the marriage?”

He stuck his chin out. “One of many. I wasn’t about to stay there feeling trapped, cornered, so I told my father I was going to move to Bora-Bora.” He gave a weak smile. “It was the first place that came to mind, but the more I thought about it, the more I fell in love with the idea.” He gestured to our surroundings. “This is my rebellion.”

“How did your father react?”

Nick swallowed. “He doesn’t like it but there isn’t a lot he can doabout it.” His eyes narrowed. “Doesn’t stop him trying, however.” He sat upright. “Want to see what I’ve got for our picnic?”

And there was that unspoken message again.

Change the subject.

“Sure. I hope there’s fruit. I’ve eaten so much of it since I got here.”

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