Page 97 of Duty and Desire

This time from me.

Nick, sweetheart… Can’t you see what this is doing to you?

What it was doing to me too, because seeing him and not being able to touch him, hold him, kiss him?

It was killing me.

I sat on a bench, gazing up at the starry sky. I could feel the warmth of the night air, the pillows cushioning my head, Nick’s lips soft against my cheek…

This isn’t helping.

“Where did he go?”

I jumped at the sound of Claudia’s voice. “To bed.” I sighed. “Except he was really getting away from me.” I glanced behind her. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Meeting with Daniela Risch, to discuss security for the funeral.” She sat beside me, her head tilted upward. “When you researched Eisenland, did you find any mention of LGBTQ+?”

I stilled. “Now you mention it… no.”

“Then I think I’d better tell you why that is. It might help you to see what lies at the root of Nick’s decision to accept this marriage. Which I totally understand, but which I hate at the same time.”

“Nick told me once there was a hardness to his father.”

Another sigh escaped her. “King Johannes was deeply conservative, and because of his attitude, so was the atmosphere in this country. Specifically, societal expectations repressed any form of LGBTQ+ expression.”

I frowned. “Was that attitude enshrined in law?”

She shook her head. “That would have been too risky. Think about it. All the business Eisenland conducts with foreign countries? No one wanted us to be thought of as a bigoted nation. But it went on quietly. The newspaper headlines were subtle, but the bias was obvious.”

“And the people think as the king did?”

She huffed. “It was widely known the King framed LGBTQ+ rights as a threat to ‘the moral fabric of society,’” she air-quoted. “Same-sex relationships? If thereareany, they happen in secret. There are no signs of activism, maybe because they’re crushed the moment people stick their heads above the parapet. No extreme measures either—that would draw too much attention—but a lot of quiet pressure.” She paused. “But one event has stayed with me. I also think it’s the reason why Nick went to Bora-Bora in the first place. It happened right after we graduated.”

“Whathappened?”

“Wilhelm Dittmar was an artist who’d lived all his life in Korenz. He was famous throughout the entire country. And one day, a story broke that he was having an affair—with a man. Not that shocking, but the man in question happened to be one of the King’s cabinet. And when the affair became public, things got nasty. Oh, they couched their outrage in terms of the deceit, the adultery, but it was obvious what the slant really was. Under immense pressure—from who exactly, no one knows—Dittmar ended the relationship, packed up his bags, and left the country. His lover publicly renounced his sexuality, painting a picture of being seduced, and his wife took him back, apparently everything forgiven, everything forgotten.”

“I had no idea. There was no hint of this in anything I read.”

“Probably because someone in the government is paying a lot of bribes to keep it out of the spotlight. But what kind of precedent does this establish in the minds of the people who knew what had happened?” She drew in a deep breath. “Nick has kept this part of his life a secret, because he has no idea how any revelation would be met. So when his ministers say ‘The marriage needs to go ahead, Your Majesty,’ he won’t put up a fight. He won’t do anything that could destabilize the monarchy, or the economic future of his country.”

In that moment, I saw to the heart of Nick’s dilemma, why he’d fled his homeland, why he’d hidden himself away on the island.

“He couldn’t be himself here, could he?”

“No. And now he’s back, nothing’s changed.” Claudia stood, rubbing her arms. “I’m going to my room. I’m more tired than I thought.”

I rose. “Me too.”

We headed indoors. When I reached my bedroom, Claudia touched my arm.

“Now you see what we’re up against, don’t you?”

I nodded. “And it’s going to be an uphill task.”

I’d come there to save him, but I’d had no idea of the stakes involved.

And right then I wasn’t sure what I could do to alter the situation.

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