Page 22 of Our Little Moments

I hold her tighter as her body shakes, resting my chin on top of her head.

“Youcanlose your shit, Stella. You can overthink, feel lost, want to give up. You’re entitled to that every once in a while. Especially when you put yourself under so much pressure. It’s healthy to let all those emotions out.” I let my fingers stroke her hair, absently stroking her curls. When she doesn’t flinch, I let my hand rest there, and after a moment, I feel her smile against my shoulder.

“Maybe,” she mutters, still pressed to my chest. “But I still despise it.”

She goes quiet, but her arms squeeze around me tighter. We stay there, swaying gently from side to side, neither of us in a rush to let the other go.

Chapter 9

Adrian

Ican feel my friend’s worried eyes burning into my skin. Jay’s always been able to notice when I’m troubled, which is both a gift and a curse.

“Come on, Adrian. Please talk to me here,” Jay begs, breaking the silence, his eyes wild with concern.

Instantly, I reach out and force a smile. “It’s nothing, Jay. Really, don’t worry—”

“Nothing?” My best friend laughs, but it’s sad and incredulous. “Come on, Adrian. We both know ‘nothing’ to you is everything to me. I’m the carefree idiot here. Don’t you dare steal my title.”

As always, Jay manages to pull a laugh out of me, and his eyes sparkle with relief.

The lightheartedness quickly dissipates, and the quiet turns thick and heavy. Jay’s hand tentatively reaches out to my shoulder, and nostalgia swallows me whole. It’s the silent gesture we’ve always used to comfort each other as teenagers.

Jay was one of the first people in my life to look out for me. He was the lonely boy at school, and I made him feel included, like he had a friend. We’ve stuck together since.

I’ve always wanted to do more for him because he was there for me through everything. When I asked why he cared so much when we were teenagers, he told me, “You take care of everyone all the time. You deserve a friend who looks after you.”

He’s kept that role in my life ever since.

“Adrian?” Jay calls out, still running his knuckles across my shoulder blades.

When I snap out of it and stare at him, a grin spreads across his face, but it’s full of frustration. “I swear to god, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong soon, I will lose my shit.”

A tiny chuckle escapes. Jay’s always been a jokester, the one who does his best to put a smile on everyone’s face.

I take a deep breath, reminding myself he’s always been there for me, and he won’t leave if I actually tell him what’s wrong. “I miss them, Jay.” The emotions come over me like a lightning bolt, and I can’t breathe right anymore. “So much. It feels like I can’t live anymore.”

My best friend’s eyes are so full of heartbreak and compassion that I want to hide in a corner. I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want anyone to.

“Adrian, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he whispers, his voice cracking. “I’m your best friend. You’re supposed to tell me stuff like this. I’m supposed to be there for you.”

“Really, it’s nothing, Jay,” I rush out. “It’s only been a tough morning for me and—”

“That’s the thing, Adrian,” Jay cuts me off, his voice coming back to a more controlled tone, although hints of sadness remain.“This isn’t something that just happened today. I know you. I see the grief in your eyes when you think no one does.” His voice grows frustrated, and his words hit me hard. “I fucking grew up with you. I know you’ve always tried to be the ‘strong older brother that can handle conflict and move his family forward’. But . . . you don’t have to play that role all the time. And it doesn’t make you any less of a good brother.”

“At least I knew them,” I admit, my voice turning sad. “I’m not like Hazel or Layla—they barely remember them. At least I had time with them. At least I knew what it was like to be loved by them—”

“That’s my point!” Jay exclaims, more frustrated than I’ve ever seen him. I reach out to soothe him, but he steps away, staring at me with heartbreak and empathy in his eyes. “Youremember them.Youknow how great they were.Youloved them and felt their love. You know what’s gone now. You’ve experienced it. You are so fucking allowed to take a break and admit that you miss the people you loved most in the world from time to time. That you miss them, that you wish they were here. You don’t have to be strong all the goddamn time.”

Silence. Both of us are heaving—Jay from frustration, and me from overwhelming emotions. I must be strong, dammit. I couldn’t—can’t—let my family crumble. My sisters and I lost our parents, but we shouldn’t lose each other either. The girls deserve a brother they can lean on.

Jay smiles at me with our secret-coded smile from childhood. The one that’s full of the silent promises we’ve made and kept over the years.I’m here for you. I’ll hug you if you need it. I’ll be your shoulder to cry on. I’ll do anything you need.

I can’t help the tear that slips free or my legs from carrying me his way.

Jay’s strong arms wrap around me, and I painfully remember why I loved it when I saw him come home after my parents passed. His hugs are pure comfort, lighthearted in a way that makes you forget your problems.

My best friend whispers, his voice thick with emotion, “You’re not alone anymore. You never have been, and you will never be.I’m here.”

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