Page 43 of Our Little Moments

How do you break a pattern when you’ve been following it since you were a child? When it’s attached to losing the people you loved the most? When it’s so goddamn intense that it feels like a raging thunderstorm?

Jay smiles at me, and I can hear everything he doesn’t say in that smile.I know you don’t believe in yourself, but I do. I won’t let you let yourself down. I have your back. I see you.

He hugs me tightly, but I can feel tears slipping through my shirt. He’s cryingfor me. My heart breaks.

“I’m here if you need me, Adrian. I always have been, and I always will be.”

I grin softly, feeling hope come to life inside me. I’m not alone in this.

It will be just like it’s always been: Jay and me fighting our struggles together.

I wouldn’t want this to go any other way.

Chapter 17

Stella

Adrian said he loved to hike, so I’m planning a hike.

I know he uses that time as alone time and might be bothered by me tagging along, but I . . . I can’t help wanting to help him. He does so little for himself and so much for others that he deserves for someone to step up and do things for him too.

And I will gladly be that person for him.

I spend the next hour making sure everything is ready, then change into some clothes fitting for the outdoors and head to Isa’s coffee shop. I know Adrian will already be in his hiking clothes; he runs in the mountains every morning, and every time I see him in his sister’s coffee shop, he’s still wearing them.

You really notice a lot about him, don’t you?

I only now realize how much I pay attention to Adrian. Whether it be the fact that I know he doesn’t drink coffee, that he takes care of everyone around him, that he runs with his sister every morning, or that he loves hiking.

The longer I wait at his sister’s coffee shop for him, the more I hesitate. Maybe I’m crossing a line, maybe I should step back and leave him alone.

When I hear the bell chime next to me, I know with conviction I need to do this for him. I see the expression on his face: he’s worried. He’s worried because tomorrow is Monday and Isabella’s shop is clearly not ready. And he wants to help her, to do whatever he can to take care of her.

But who does the same for him?

No one does, because if anyone did in this town, the concept of being taken care of wouldn’t be so foreign to him.

Since the day I arrived, Adrian took every bit of me I was willing to show. He takes the lost, the dreamer, the honest, the vulnerable and makes space for it all, never asking for more than I can give. With him, I’m safe tobe,and I know he needs that safety just as much as I do.

Adrian

My sister’s shop isn’t ready. Tomorrow will be the start of a busy week, and she’s not ready.

What do I do?

She obviously needs help from me.

Jay’s words come back to me.

But, what about my sisters? They need me.

Adrian, your sisters are adults now. They can figure out their problems on their own without you bulldozing through to find the solution. And if they need help, they know you’ll be there to help. I’d be willing to bet that you taking care of them so much makes them feel guilty.

The words come back at me like a punch to the gut.

“Hi, Adrian,” Stella calls from next to me.

“Hi, Stella,” I reply as I take a seat in front of her, trying to block out the noise my sister makes in her kitchen, trying to move through the uncomfortable itch to go help her.To do something. To help.

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