Page 72 of Rise By Sin

“I agree. Let’s go home,” I told him as I leaned into kiss his cheek before I shakily pushed up to my full height and fumbled to grab my stick from the floor. Colt stood too and I indicated for him to go first, relieved the security had moved so they weren’t just stood staring at him any longer.

As soon as we were both in the car with eh security detail up front driving, I pulled a bottle of water from my backpack and handed it into Colt’s trembling hand.

“Drink,” I ordered, relieved when he did just that.

“How did you learn to do this, Ava?” he asked after a few moments of quiet.

“Do what?”

“Cope. Push past the shit repeating over and over in your head and carry on living your life? I just…it’s like a video of every moment I spent in that nightmare is in my head, and one moment of silence, or one thing that takes me back there and the whole starts paying in my head again. I try to stop it, but I…I can’t.”

“I’m the wrong person to ask,” I scoffed. “But I know talking to a therapist helped me. You know, you were the one who forced me to do it first. I think if you can make yourself talk about it all, as hard as that is to do, it does get it out. It’s like talking about it makes that video fade and if you do it enough, you can make the video stop eventually. It took time, Colt, and I threw myself into becoming a cop and getting through training, which helped.”

“I just don’t want to fall apart. I don’t want that fucker to think he ever broke me,” Colt confessed.

“He won’t. You’ll get through this. You’re not alone. You have Ky, and the guys. I’m here for you for whatever you need. You’ll find your feet again. You already are,” I assured him.

“And what about you?” he asked.

“Me? I’m getting settled back in,” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“You’ve barely seen Jack and Mason? You all seemed very close when I woke up in the hospital. What changed?”

“You know?” I asked with shock.

“Of course I know. I knew ten years ago, bam,” he laughed. “Thankfully, I never witnessed anything myself, butTempleis my club and I know everything that happens there. I knew you were doing scenes with Mason and Jack, and I knew you were falling for them too. I just never realized how serious it had all gotten.”

“It never got serious before. I liked them and apparently they were into me, but we never even told each other. They wanted to wait for me to finish college before they took anything further. Then everything went wrong and I didn’t want to see them again. I was embarrassed and ashamed,” I confessed. “Now I’m back they…they tell me they want to. They love me Colt, and I love them too. I always have.”

“Then what’s the problem. It wouldn’t be the first menage relationship I’ve heard of.”

“I know. It’s not that. It’s me. I worry I’m too fucked up to be with them. I can’t give them what they want. You know! After what he did to you, could you submit for anyone?” I asked.

“I’ve never been a submissive, Ava, so I can’t answer that question, but I can tell you that I am determined I won’t allowwhat that psycho put e through take anything else from me. I know it will take time and probably a ton of therapy before I can walk into Temple again. The sounds…I know they’ll trigger me, but I will find a way to face it. Temple is mine. The sex life I choose to safely and consensually live is mine and he can’t have either.”

“I think it’s too late for me. I already allowed him to take huge parts of me,” I sighed. Colt reached over and placed his hand over my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. I looked up at him and he wiped a stray tear from my cheek and forced a smile.

“Then you fucking well take it back, Ava. Don’t let him have it. Don’t let him have any single part of you. You’re stronger than that asshole. We both are.”

“Yes we are.” I agreed. I wasn’t so sure I believed it, but I knew Colt needed to hear me say it.

“So you’ll call the guys, stop avoiding them?”

“I’m not avoiding them. I just needed some space, but I will call them,” I agreed. “And Deak.”

“Deak?” He asked with confusion.

“Do you know of any relationships with more than two guys?” I asked him with a smirk.

CHAPTER 22

AVA

I had no idea why I was so nervous, but I was.

Three days had passed since Colt’s meltdown outside his club, and while he’d been taking things easier, he’d continued returning to work and trying to get things back to normal. Much to my and Ky’s relief he’d also started for a trauma therapist he felt able to talk to, and seem determined to follow though with the plan.

Seeing Colt fight so hard had pushed me to stop hiding so much too. While I wasn’t ready to speak to a stranger about my issues yet, I was trying harder to see the sunny side of things. I was home with the brother I loved. The FBI were working hard to find and stop the monster who hart both of us and killed so many others. Everyone I loved was safe and I was doing a hell of a lot better than I had been back in Chicago. I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since the night Colt was found, and finding a healthy routine with Colt and Ky seemed to be helping with my injury. The pain wasn’t any less, but regular meals constantly forced upon me by Ky, and having a clean safe place to live and sleep seemed to be making it all feel more manageable.

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