Page 87 of Scarlet Secrets

I almost drop the bowl of pancake batter I’m holding.

Shit, where the fuck did that Neanderthalian thought come from?

But my sister’s right, she’s fucking pretty. Beautiful, she glows in the morning sun’s clear, bright light, which highlights the blush streaking her cheeks—not to mention the darkening marks on her throat that appear as her hair falls around her while she hoists Sasha into his booster seat. “I think Demyan’s cooking for an army.”

The sweetness of her voice, along with the way she doesn’t quite look at me, stokes the fire of guilt.

I lost it with her when I found out about Sasha. The anger is still there, though, and it’s going to take a while to diminish, but I need to make the decision to let it go.

My father held on to the anger at my mother dying, something that wasn’t my fault, or hers, but he twisted it that way to cope with grief, and then he took it out on me. And instead of letting it go, he fed it.

I do not want to be that.

So I need to let it go, no matter how much of a security blanket it is.

But it’s all a work in progress. I make the pancakes and add them to the growing stack and Erin appears near me. “Do you need help? Extra table settings?”

“It’s just us, but you can cut some fruit.”

She nods and starts slicing melon, nectarines, apples, berries—no strawberries though, and she arranges them on a plate, selecting a small pile for Sasha that she puts in one of his special bowls.

“It’s a lot of food,” she says, not quite looking at me and I can taste her, feel her around me as I start cracking eggs to scramble them. “Breakfast just for us?” She watches as I add them straight to a hot skillet. “That’s not how you scr?—”

“I like to scramble this way,” I snap.

She moves away, fixing fresh juice for Sasha.

Fine, maybe I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing but my sister and Erin don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s the perfect amount of food.

When everything’s ready, I add eggs, bacon, and pancakes next to the bowl of fruit for Sasha.

Erin and Alina butter some toast. I shove a plate each in front of them. Alina rolls her eyes and Erin finally looks at me, a small smile that I don’t return, waiting for her to eat. She takes a small bite.

Sasha, on the other hand, digs in. One hand goes into theeggs, the other grabs watermelon, and then he shoves them both in his mouth at once.

Triumph fills me and I smirk. At least my kid likes my cooking. Clearly, he’s very smart.

When breakfast is done and the mess Sasha made cleaned up—honestly, he needs an award for the size of his messes in regard to the size of him, I offer to take him to a real park.

Alina’s gone to her room, the sadness pulling at her again, and Erin hesitates.

I put my hand over hers, and it’s warm, delicate, small. “She’s going to be okay, it’ll take time, and…” I take a breath because I think I’ve figured out the shyness in her this morning. “I had work to do so I left before you woke. I’d like for you to move into my room. Think about it.”

“The park sounds good,” she says, picking up Sasha. “I’ll get him ready.”

When we’re ready, Ilya discreetly hands me a picnic basket with, according to him, real snacks. Which will be bread, cheese, pickles, cured meat, and probably vodka.

We pile into the SUV with all the security and head to a park out of town that I know is safe.

Other kids are there, too, their parents picnicking. My security is good, able to blend, and the moment Ilya gets word it’s safe, we head in.

Sasha screams and does a mad dash to the swings and slide, veering last minute to the sandpit, and soon he’s playing with the other four kids, all around his age. They all scream in their laughter.

I find a shady spot and sit with Erin. For a moment I allow myself to bask in the fantasy of happy family, of us as normal people.

Right now, that’s what I am to this little part of the world. Just a dad out with his partner and kid. Not bratva, not a man with a vendetta or one who controls billions of dollars, halfthe power plays in Chicago, and many different lives. Just a man.

I like it.

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